


The Greatest Bastard

by MaverickYoung



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Island, Alternative Universe - No Arrow, Angst and Feels, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Internal Conflict, Lost Love, musician au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-05-29 04:03:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6358540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaverickYoung/pseuds/MaverickYoung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After five years of silence, Oliver Queen returns more profound and rawer than ever performing his new single “The Greatest Bastard”.  This is Queen's first public performance since the world saw the last of him in 2010 at the infamous concert in Central City, when a sudden news broke that shattered hearts everywhere. This is also the first album of Queen’s to not feature Felicity Smoak - Oliver’s former partner in music and in life's haunting voice... (Musician AU)</p><p>This story is told out of order, w/ each chapter named after the song it's based on & the year(s) it's set in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Greatest Bastard- 2015

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by Damien Rice's records, and has been stuck in my head for a while. So here it is. Now that it's expanded into a multi chapter fic, each chapter will be titled after one of Rice's songs, and the years they are set in.  
> I highly recommend giving Rice a listen, as his records have played a big role in telling this story.
> 
> The Greatest Bastard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMe2n29J4z8
> 
> This is also my first time writing on AO3, as well as writing for Oliver&Felicity, so I'd really appreciate any feedback (on the story & using AO3) from readers. Enjoy!

**Thomastown, Ireland I August 21, 2015**

 

 

 

She thrust down. Again and again until she couldn’t anymore. With a final circle of her hips, she let her breasts fall against his solid chest. Hard breaths were exchanged throughout the silence of what seemed like a long hour. Still on top, she planted her nude lips against his forehead for a soft kiss, then gently lifted herself off of him and the tawdry mattress they’ve called their bed for the past month. The barely shaded windows of the makeshift recording studio temporarily blinds her sleepy pair of sapphires, she quickly adjusted, and wrapped herself in one of the thin and pale bed sheets around her tiny frame, blending into her equally thin and pale body and walked into the bathroom.

The past summer in Ireland were spent with her newly formed five piece travelling band, in and out of the farmhouse they’ve turned into a studio, recording and writing where and when they pleased. She was excited about tonight. Her first concert in two years, a small informal gathering she set up to showcase some of her work from the still unfinished album; Passenger. After her critically acclaimed debut album “Wanderer”, both critics and fans have been waiting for the beloved 28 year old indie folk singer to return. She took her time to wash up and threw on one of her signature vintage dresses. Checking her reflection, she stood as she bit the bottom of her now polished red lips, unconsciously shifting her index and thumb together in a familiar rhythm. She found herself still unable to stop.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Thomastown Park, Ireland I August 21, 2015**

“It’s been a long time, Felicity.”

“Quite a while, hasn’t it? Time really flew by me.” She chuckled.

“Why Ireland?”

“The lovely people. Thomastown made the perfect home for my old, worn, and wheezy instruments. I…didn’t feel like I could do that back home, or anywhere else.

"There's also a history for you here, in Ireland."

"Yes. There is."

“You’ve mentioned in our previous interview that you don’t really refer to yourself as a folk singer.”

  
“Did I? Well I don’t really know, you know, what I am. As an artist I mean. I’ve been… in the industry for a long time, but... you know, now that I’ve been-“

“Solo?”

“Yeah, it’s only my second record, technically. I mean at least I have a band this time around! I’m still...finding my own sound, as I really didn't have one before.  It's also about finding myself as an artist, and as an individual. All of my songs indeed are informed with a sense of nostalgia. Both 'Wanderer' and 'Passenger' talk about the things that come with you when you leave or travel. And the past is very important… because everything you do is wrapped up in what's happened before.”

“...I'd apologize in advance, but we all knew his name had to come up at some point in this interview.”

  
Felicity chuckled lightly and nodded, no longer stiffening at the mention of him like she used to, as much.

“It's been 5 years since you've parted, but your fans are still very much intertwined. Everyone is still wondering… Are you ever going to work with Oliver Queen again?”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Star City Theatre I November 14, 2015**

 

_I made you laugh, I made you cry._

_I made you open up your eyes. Didn't I?_

_I helped you open out your wings, your legs, and many other things. Didn't I?_

_Am I the greatest bastard that you know? The only one who let you go?_

_The one you hurt so much you cannot bear?_

_I wish that I could say the same. _But when you left, you left the blame. Didn't you?_  
_

__Am I the greatest bastard that you met? _The only one you can't forget? _  
___ _

_____Am I the one your truth's been waiting for? _  
__ _ _ _ _

_______Or am I just dreaming once again? _Some dreams are better when they end.__ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

 

OLIVER QUEEN: NEW SINGLE "THE GREATEST BASTARD" AFTER 5 YEAR DISAPPEARANCE  
NOVEMBER 15 2015 BY: IRIS WEST, STAFF JOURNALIST

  
After five years of silence, Oliver Queen is more profound and raw than ever on his new single, “The Greatest Bastard” which he performed last night at the Star City Theater where many of his long-time fans came to support, as well as many music critics and journalists. The past few years have certainly been a growing period for the 33 year old indie rock singer-songwriter, who now seems more comfortable in his own skin than the last the world saw of him back in 2010, at the concert in Central City where a sudden news shattered hearts of fans everywhere. In conversation, Queen’s piercing blue eyes are enigmatic and his presence is poised. Queen attributes his creative renewal to letting go of outside expectations and lingering feelings that had hindered his ability to write again. When I met up for our interview after his performance, Felicity Smoak – Oliver’s former partner in music and in life – fatefully began playing in the background.

"That's Felicity’s song on the radio," he whispered with a soft smile, then, as quickly as it came, his face turned neutral as he took a seat across the table.

 

_Am I the greatest bastard that you know?_

_When will we learn to let this go?_

_We fought so much, we've broken all the charm._

_But letting go is not the same as pushing someone else away.  
_

__So please don't let on. You don't love me, because I know you do. _  
__ _

____I never meant to let you down._ _ _ _

 

Heavy applause erupted soon after Oliver's last solemn note  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Star City Theatre I November 14, 2015**

 

“So where have you been Oliver?”

“Up my ass.” He joked, with a child-like grin on his face that turned more serious as he continued.

"I... began in this industry with a real innocence and a real love for singing and writing… At some point after the success of “O”, I became disenchanted with it all, and the fame made me arrogant. After that, it all spiraled, as you know, very publicly.”

“Although the incident was public, I don’t think the fans, including myself, actually know the details that led up to it.”

A long silence fills the air as Oliver tried to articulate the words he wanted to express, obviously still uncomfortable with how it all went down.

“My…relationships with the band started to crumble soon after. I wasn't happy with the expectations that came with the fame, so I took it out on myself… and on them.”

"And on her?” Queen’s brilliant blues instantly looked down.

Fumbling with a broken red pen in his hand, after a long pause, he whispered- “Especially on her.”

“Everything came to a head in 2010, at the Central City concert during your world tour for “Desolate”, which turned into your final performance, well, until tonight. When you publicly announced the sudden end to your and Felicity Smoak’s professional relationship that evening, fans wondered, and are still curious as to what really happened?"

“I lost her.” He said, immediately. A brief pause and a slight dim in his bright blue eyes later, he continued.

“I… we were each other’s partners, in our work and in our lives, so she was both a witness and a victim to those darker years. We've been fighting so much near the end... and then I blew up that night, minutes before the show. We were having yet another one of our heated arguments, and I just yelled at her. I’ve...never yelled at her before. I told her to go back to Star City because I was sick of us working together, which, of course, was just frustrated love. I mean, I loved her, but I didn’t know how to be around her when I was the way that I was.”

"According to those who were present, the show was cut short after the announcement, and rumours went wild that you fired her on the spot kicked her off the venue."

"To be honest, in the heat of the moment, I probably said a bunch of things... but I do remember going backstage right after and found myself calmer, and relieved that she was still there, she was furious, but still there. I told her clearly that I still loved her, and that we both just needed the space... she was my partner first, and I just wanted to save our friendship, rather than endlessly fight every day on tour, and end up hating each other... but I think by then she had enough, you know? I could tell the moment she made up her mind... I could always tell, even with all the chaos that goes on in that beautiful mind of hers. She walked out, and I stopped making music for 5 years, and that was that."

This is the first album of Queen’s to not feature Felicity Smoak’s voice. On Queen’s much beloved first album “O”, Smoak’s ethereal and melodic tone is the last thing listeners hear, and the first to grace the tracks on his shakier follow-up, “Desolate”.

“Have you spoken to her since then- or asked her to be a part of this record?”

"I mean I tried, but I haven’t spoken to her no, and I love that she hasn’t. I did ask through her management about working on this album with me, and she… very beautifully replied that she thinks it's best if we-” His pause a longer one now, then after a deep breath, he spoke again- “…do our own thing for now."

"What about you, what do you think?"

"...I don't think the two of us will work together again," he whispered, shifting his index and thumb together. The realization is tinged with melancholy. “But I do hope that someday, we'll sing together on the same stage again.”

“Did you feel like you were missing her voice in this album?”

"In the beginning, sure, but I just missed Felicity. I missed my partner. She was my favourite person in the entire world, and she was the only one who’d call me out on my shit, and opinionated enough to tell me if something wasn’t good without trying to change who I was.”

“It sounds like after all these years, you’re still very much in love with her.”

“I love her”, he affirms simply. “I love Felicity so much. And I love her so much that I love that she's chosen not to speak a word to me since. She's remarkable that way. She had enough so she drew the line because she knew I couldn't... but I’ve grown so much over these past five years because of it, that I haven’t fucked up once with the few who're still around me. Thanks to Felicity’s resilience, in a way, we irrevocably did what we couldn't do then...we stopped fighting.”

Oliver Queen’s long awaited third album, “Felicity” will be released on December 14 on iTunes and available in stores everywhere.


	2. I Remember - 2004/2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver Queen first laid eyes on the exquisite and colourful Felicity Smoak on a rainy Friday night at the O'Donoghue's Pub in Dublin, Ireland. "It was pouring that night, and the moment she caught my gaze and tipped her head inquisitively- I knew I was done for...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for giving this story a go! As many of you've requested, I've decided to expand this verse and I had such a great time writing it.
> 
> I Remember: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9yKk-3TD7tk
> 
> The story will be told out of order. Each chapter is titled after one of Rice's songs, and the years they are set in. The lyrics are spread throughout the narrative in italics.  
> 

**Star City Column I March 16 2006**

STARLING NATIVE OLIVER QUEEN ON FELICITY SMOAK & THE MAKING OF DEBUT ALBUM “O”                                                                                                                                            BY: IRIS WEST, INTERN JOURNALIST

Oliver Queen first laid eyes on the exquisite and colourful Felicity Smoak on a rainy Friday night at the O'Donoghue's Pub in Dublin, Ireland. The year was 2004, and the twenty two year old Starling native was fresh out of college with a business degree (after dropping out of four different schools across the nation) since spring. Deciding upon pursuing his one true passion for music, Queen took off to travel around Europe with nothing but his guitar- and a large sum of his trust fund- playing on the streets of the cities he journeyed to, as well as doing gigs in pubs for those who’d let him. Queen’s powerful tunes, combined with his striking model looks gained him quick popularity, and soon enough, by word of mouth, the name Oliver Queen meant more to people than just the estranged sole heir of the Queen Enterprise. Queen performed in many pubs, especially in Ireland. On his last night there, he was welcomed back to his favourite, O’Donoghue’s. It was Queen’s pub of choice. The stout was good and the crowd, whom he mostly knew by face then, were always friendly.

 

_I remember it well, the first time that I saw_

_Your head around the door, 'cause mine stopped working_

_I remember it well, there was wet in your hair_

_I was stood in the stairs, and time stopped moving_

 

“It was pouring that night.” Queen recounted. “There were more people than usual, some just finding shelter waiting for the rain to pass… The audience shouted out some usual cover requests, and I did some of my own in the end. It wasn’t until my last song that I heard the chiming of someone new coming in.”

Felicity Smoak, at the tender age of fifteen, graduated from Beacon Academy in Los Vegas with a dream of attending MIT. However, after a tragic house fire that took the lives of her immediate family, the young Vegas native went to find solace under the care of her only relative in Ireland. With an interest in both arts and technology, Smoak pursued an accelerated double degree program in Computer Science and Vocal Performance at Dublin’s Institute of Technology. Smoak’s musical career began during her second and final year of college, when she stumbled upon her would-be long-time partner, Oliver Queen. Interestingly, what truly caught the Starling singer’s heart wasn't in her delicate frame, wavy blonde locks, or the alluring pair of sapphires, but how the then seventeen year old tripped herself on the way in, proceeded to apologize, then rambled without stopping to the pub owner for a good minute about everything, and nothing. Queen was immediately beguiled by her presence and energy, and kept his watch as he finished his last song.

“She was tragically beautiful. She didn’t even bother to look at the stage, let alone me… and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. It wasn’t until the owner stopped her that she turned to the stage… and the moment she caught my gaze and tipped her head inquisitively- I knew I was done for.”      

                                                                  ----------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

**Dublin, Ireland I September 8, 2004**

 

 

_I remember it well, I watched you perform_

_Taxied out of a storm, and my ships were sailing_

_I remember it well, I was stood in your line_

_Your mouth, your mouth, you're mine..._

 

“Nice job tonight Queen, your next stout’s on the house.”

“I thought it’s always on the house for me, Sean." Oliver chuckled and gave him a pat on his shoulder in thanks.

It was almost a routine, getting a beer and chatting with Sean, who’d been kind enough to welcome him back for one last gig before he left for Paris. Pouring him the pint he promised, the pub owner conversed with Oliver about what his plans were in the city of love.

“Is that where the album’s going to be made? Or you gon’ keep handing out cassette tapes after gigs and-“

“Sean…” Oliver warned.

“Alright, alright. Hey, at least it doesn’t rain as much down there, I think. Then again, I’m not some rich fella who’s got all the money in the world to travel it. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone nice, I heard it’s a pretty good city for that sort of stuff...” Oliver chuckled.

“Speaking of, there was this young lass who nearly tore the door down when you were performing, and me along with it–“

Before Oliver could ask if Sean had seen her since, he felt something wet and tiny softly hit his back. He turned to see what it was, only to find himself staring at the object of his affections. Her blond waves are dry, but the rest of her faintly shaking body were soaked to the ground. His eyes hastily traveled back up to hers, and he was once again drawn in by how enticing her sapphire orbs are, which were widening behind her two tone frames, seemingly just realizing the predicament she was in. Oliver could feel a ramble about to come out of her faultless red lips, and while he would love nothing more than to witness all the unfiltered thoughts that would come out of that beautiful brain of hers, he took pity on her instead, and stopped the accidental staring contest that they’ve apparently been having.

“Hey,” he said softly with what he hoped to be a comforting smile. Oliver expected a shy greeting back, but instead-

“I ran out of toilet paper.” She blurted out in a flash.

“What?”

“In the washro- the jacks. In the jacks. But you sound American, so the washroom it is. Not that I need that much toilet paper to wee or anything. I’m just really wet. Not me me. I’m not wet. Just my body, you know from the rain, and I’d use the hand dryer like I did with my hair but then I’d have to peel myself out of this dress to do that, which would then result me being naked so I’ll probably get a cold anyways so please say something or just stuff a roll of toilet paper into my mouth so I can shut- wait what are you doing“

“Giving you my coat.”

“Why?”

“So you don’t have to be naked and get a cold when you dry your clothes.” Oliver replied simply, with an amused grin.

“Oh. I mean, thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Oliver’s grin widens. “I’m Oliver Queen, by the way.” He said as he offered his now coat-empty hands. She shook it with her much smaller and delicate ones, but held his just as strongly as her presence. Closer together, Oliver noticed just how petite she actually was, barely reaching his shoulders, and her mouth… God, her mouth.

“Well thank you Mr. Queen. For saving me from a potential cold… and you know, for cutting me off my rant before I died of embarrassment instead. I’ll be quick, with the jacket I mean, so you can have it back before you leave, assuming you're leaving soon. Also I’ll stop talking… in 3, 2, 1.” She quickly turned away from him, making a beeline towards the washroom, leaving a trail of rainwater and a distinct scent of vanilla and honey.

“Wait-“

“Yes Mr. Queen?”

“It’s Oliver... and what may I call you?”

“Felicity.”

She smiled at him, and even though it was her who was beautifully soaked from head to toe- Oliver trembled.  

                                                            --------------------------------------------------

**Star City Column I March 16 2006**

Sharing akin musical tastes and a whimsical sense of humour, the two indie artists became immediate friends on that fateful night, and began spending their free time together writing. It was Smoak who inspired him to finally start recording his originals with better quality equipment from her school, while also lending her fragile and melodic vocals as a foil to Queen’s bittersweet lyrics. This feature would eventually become a staple in Queen's beloved debut album “O”.

"She very quickly became my favourite human being." Queen said unselfconsciously, on befriending Smoak.

When asked about the depth of their partnership and how “O” was made, Queen took a pause to think before answering with full honesty,

“… It was a gradual thing, like something inevitable we both saw coming during the making of what would eventually become “O”. Like our relationship, there were never any plans in making an official album… we were just recording music. We too never put a label on it either, you know? I was her Oliver and she was my Felicity, and that was that. I think that’s why people responded so well with the record, because it was made in the midst of two very young and innocent people naturally coming together... We’re just very, very compatible: in the studio, on the stage, and in our lives. And I love her taste... Whenever I'd do something with a song and she'd comment on it, I'd just completely agree."

"You were 22 when you met her, were you ever afraid at how quickly and deeply your relationship with Felicity had gone?"

"It was terrifying how I wasn’t afraid at the thought of it at all, especially at that stage in my life. She’s just… the best thing to have ever happened to me.”

                                                                ------------------------------------------------------

**December 14, 2004 I Dublin’s Institute of Technology Residence, Ireland**

 

_I wanna hear (What you've got to say about me)_

_I wanna hear (If you're going to live without me)_

_I wanna hear (What you want)_

_I remember December_

 

“Oliver.”

“mhmm…”

“OLIVER!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’M LATE! THAT’S WHAT- You fed me too much pizza last night, well today actually because it was in the middle of the night, and you didn’t even bother turning on my alarm before falling asleep on me, so now I’m going to have bacon breath while I fail my very last exam because I’m late and I’ve lost all circulation in my left hand because your back was on it and-“

Oliver very quickly realized that she was not going to stop anytime soon, and she really was going to be late, so he did the only thing that he’d been thinking about since the night he saw those tempting red lips of hers, just three months ago. He sat up facing her, on the bed that he’s been crashing on lately, due to long nights consisting of Felicity doing her homework, while commenting on his songs as he happily played them for her. Felicity continued on about arm amputations when he softly sandwiched her petite face between his guitar-calloused hands, and slowly pressed his gentle lips against hers.

“I can attest to the court that you do not have bacon breath, and if my watch is correct, you have fifteen minutes to run across campus, which if I piggyback you, it should give us enough time. As for your arm, I know you can’t bear to see actual blood so I promise to help you amputate it if you wish.” Oliver uttered softly against her lips while pressing their foreheads together, breathing each other in.

“I think this is the first time that we kissed.” Felicity whispered back, like this was something sacred and holy, and it was.

“You think?” Oliver’s brows furrowed in pretend anger, but his eyes clearly amused.

Felicity rolled hers, then her little body off the twin bed which has proven once again, that it can only fit the two of them if they slept on top of each other. Felicity pulled her wild curls into a bun, then ran into her closet to change into another set of sweats. As she came out, Oliver was looking like he spent an hour getting ready, with his perfectly cropped hair and no crease on his black V-neck and jeans, but that didn’t surprise or piss Felicity off anymore… that much. Oliver met her half way at the door and gently tilted her chin, so she was looking up at him while he unfolded her specs to put it on for her. It became kind of a habit for them; him putting on and taking off her glasses. Felicity would defend herself by saying that they’re always on her anyways, so it wasn’t her fault if she forgot if they were actually on her face or not.

When Oliver first slept over, Felicity almost crushed her eyeballs from turning into her pillows with them still on. Oliver took the liberty to remove it from her, and she woke up not saying anything about it. When they had their first movie night in her dorm, Oliver saw her squinting constantly at the screen, then proceeded to adorably poke herself around her eye area, confirming her suspicions. Oliver found it then much more entertaining to watch her- in general- than whatever was on TV, but after receiving a deathly glare and an equally sweet pout from Felicity, Oliver put on her specs for her, which were sitting on top of her head the entire time.

In the present, Felicity scrunched up her nose in a way that both tightened Oliver’s jeans and his heart at the same time, and when she decidedly threw her arms wide open, seemingly waiting on him, Oliver wondered if he zoned out too long. Eventually he got the message and shook his head in amusement while bending down slightly away from her, so she could jump up on him.

“Giddy up Queen!” Felicity exclaimed, while waving around an imaginary riding crop.

Oliver’s jeans tighten even more, “you’re not allowed to say or do that ever again, ever.”

                                                           -------------------------------------------------------

**Star City Column I March 16 2006**

 

 _I want you here tonight._ _I want you here_

_Cause I can't believe what I found_

_I want you here tonight._ _I want you here_

 _Nothing is taking me down, down, down..._  
  
_Except you my love... except you my love._ **  
**

 

Before asking about the locations in which “O” was recorded, Queen’s sparkling baby blues instantly lit up at the incoming text on his cell phone, and took a moment to answer it.

“Speak of the angel,” he said, with a beaming smile across his chiseled face.

“Was that Felicity?”

“Yeah, she just landed.” There was an excitement in his voice that couldn't be measured, perhaps with the exception of his obvious and absolute admiration of the lady in question.

“Well before I let you go, the fans, including myself were wondering when was the exact moment you decided to combine all these separate tunes into one album.”

“Oh, I like this one. Because it’s also one of my most treasured memories. I was with Felicity in Paris, where we recorded most of the songs that ultimately made the cut... and we were just playing around with the new 8-track player we got when she found this button where you can loop one song after another, like a playlist. So we ended up spending the rest of the afternoon in the gardens lining up songs, pressing play, and just listened. When the recorder stopped, I turned to Fe and told her ‘I think we have a record.’ And I knew I was in the right because she had the same look on her face, and from that point on- we were on our way to making 'O'.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take Away: The making of Oliver's debut album parallels the beginnings of their relationship; both unplanned and rather naive.
> 
> Let me know if you noticed the significance of Dec 14 ;)  
> Questions, comments, or concerns? Leave it down below, they're always appreciated!


	3. Rootless Tree- 2010/2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He went to sea for the day.  
> He wanted to know what to say,  
> when he's asked what he'd done...  
> in the past to someone,  
> that he loves endlessly.  
> Now she's gone, so is he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Play as you read...
> 
> First song is called Lille: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=11R5O6FM-Ls
> 
> Second song is called Rootless Tree: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z-edjT9igA  
> It's a live version, but it's the most updated one that contains the newer lyrics.

**Los Vegas, USA I July 13, 2014**

 

VEGAS NATIVE FELICITY SMOAK RETURNS HOME AFTER 10 YEARS

BY:LINDA PARK, STAFF JOURNALIST

Vegas native Felicity Smoak began her early music career providing the delicate backup vocals to her former partner, Oliver Queen’s widely known indie rock band for seven years, until their professional and personal split in 2010.  A year after the incident, the then 23 year old released her debut solo album ‘Wanderer’ to the world, and was met with overwhelmingly positive feedback, from both critics and fans all over.  This is the first public interview of Smoak since she took off on her solo career.

“Welcome home Felicity, how has it being back in Sin City?”

“It’s been a great palate cleanser. I’ve been on tour so much for ‘Wanderer’, it was good to click refresh once in a while and come home.”

“Home must be more of a sentiment, as this is the first time you’ve been back since you left for Ireland 10 years ago.”

“I wanted to come back when I was ready, you know? Part of me thought I was just trying to run away, but the much more patient adult in me knew otherwise.  I mean I didn’t know it would take me a decade to do it, but, you know… In order to heal old wounds, we have to make new ones.”

“Speaking of ‘Wanderer’, you chose not to do any interviews prior to and after its release.  Why was that?”

“To be honest, I just didn’t want to answer the questions I knew everyone was going ask.  Not just because I didn’t want to, but I released ‘Wanderer’ back in 2011, so everything was still very raw for me… to talk about it publicly so soon would’ve overshadowed my work, so I let my music speak for me instead.”

 

_He went to sea for the day_

_He wanted to know what to say_

_When he's asked what he'd done_

_In the past to someone_

_That he loves endlessly_

_Now she's gone, so is he_

"Lille," the album's lead single and last tune, was critically appraised for its unique instrument use and powerful lyrics.  It was also the first song that Smoak wrote after she left the band. Smoak was brusquely fired by her former partner, Oliver Queen, minutes before a show in 2010, but she said it was a long time coming.

"We’ve worked together for almost seven years," she said. “…That’s a very long time to be working with anyone, really.”

“Do you think if you two were strictly work partners, that there would’ve been a different outcome?”

 “I can’t say.  No one can, I don’t think.  I don’t really talk about it. I mean we come into this life, knowing fully it will end one day.  So in turn, any journey we embark on must all have an ending too- c’est la vie.”

“C’est la vie. ‘Lille’ is such a good tune, can you talk about the head space you were in when you wrote it, and why you chose that name?””

“Despite the circumstances of its conception, Lille is a hopeful tune… it always makes me smile when I sing it.  Even if I'm not necessarily smiling at the beginning, I always am at the end… and that’s a metaphor in its self.  The name of the song is just a reminder to myself of a much happier time, one of my favourites actually.”

“Lille, France.  That’s where ‘O’ was recorded right?”

“Paris too… but the studio was mobile so, yeah.  It was... the calm before the storm I guess.  Lille is very special to me.”

“The song, or…”

“Both.  ‘Lille’ could’ve easily been quite a dark song, but I decided to write it in a positive light, by reminding myself of what Lille represented, and what it once meant to me.”

“The ‘Wanderer’ tour ended last year. Have you written any new material since… perhaps an upcoming album in the works?”

“I’m taking my time with it... I have a good group of people around me that have my best interest in mind. I can tell you that I am making my way back to Ireland after this trip.  I do all my recordings on a farm in the Irish countryside, actually.  It’s where I did ‘Wanderer’. I don’t have many songs in my book yet, so it’s going to be more of a road trip to Ireland, as I write most of my songs while travelling… I even have a band this time! This record has allowed me to meet so many wonderful, and like-minded individuals, who all jumped at the road trip idea so I’m really excited to collaborate with them.”

“Is Ray one of those collaborators?”

“Yes he is! You may have noticed that, as he’s sitting right beside me… Ray’s my self-assigned producer, he ultimately deals with the technical and business side of things, as I don’t really have experience in that area yet. I’m learning fast though. oh and Ray also plays some smashing tunes himself!”

“You look happy Felicity.”

“Thank you. I think I’m even getting there as well.”

_I went to war every morning_

_I lost my way, but now I'm following_

_What you said in my arms_

_What I read in the charms_

_That I love durably_

_Now it's dead and gone, and I am free_

_\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Central City Performance Hall I March 28, 2010**

_What I want from you, is empty your head_

_But they say be true, don't stain your bed_

_And we do what we need to be free_

_And it leans on me like a rootless tree_

_What I want from this, is learn to let go_

_No not of you, but of all that's been told_

_Killers re-invent and believe_

_And this leans on me, like a rootless..._

 

They were six months into their world tour for “Desolate”, going from coast to coast, before leaving to international waters.  Central City was their last stop before Europe, and it has been three days since they’d spoken a word to each other.  They still slept in the same hotel room, and although Felicity suggested otherwise before going on tour, that sparked another fight she wasn’t prepared for yet.  After landing in CC earlier this afternoon, Felicity has kept to herself, spending her time in the suite, and out of his sight.  He’s been brooding even more than usual lately, with the label pestering him again about brand sponsorship and attending more social functions for public image. On top of it all, Thomas and John were both getting agitated by his arrogant behaviour and brashness that even she couldn't  soothe, in fact, she’s probably been contributing to the tension the most.  Felicity could no longer recall the last time her and Oliver had a proper conversation that didn’t end with someone slamming the front door.  The work that was never supposed to feel like work, got even tenser after the release of ‘Desolate’, whether it was due to pressures from the label or from the band, the couple couldn’t escape it as they’d bring the fight back home, until their place no longer felt like one anymore.

Of course, he’d always come to her after they both calmed down, wrapping his massively warm arms around her tiny waist, kissing the top of her head before leaving the room again to give each other some space before bed.  This cycle however, has been repeating itself with shorter intervals, and at a higher frequency... she knew that it was just a matter of time before they tipped over the edge for good. 

It wasn’t like they haven’t gotten help, they tried everything.  She tried everything… but not only is she emotionally and physically exhausted, she’s creatively frustrated. Felicity has been providing background vocals in the same band for almost seven years… and she wanted more.  Felicity never participated in Oliver’s writing process, unless he asked, because it was ultimately his band, and not hers. However, they used to discuss performances and recordings together, all four of them, as a band… but that too eventually turned sour as well, with pointless four-way arguments.  Oliver still tries, she knows that.  He’s an idealist at heart, and still believed that he could please everyone somehow… that they could have it all.  After taking a deep breath, Felicity shut off the water and walked out with a white hotel bathrobe that engulfed her entire body.  The steam exited with her as she made her way to the bed when Oliver came in from the front door.  His face neutral, but his blue eyes still gloomy, and she didn’t know if she should break the ice within them or not. She decided to try.

“Hey,” Felicity said softly, offering him a small smile whilst shifting her index and thumb together, a poor habit she learned from Oliver.  Oliver paused and his eyes flickered to the host of the voice, seemingly still not out of his trance.  He barely acknowledged her before heading towards the steaming bathroom, closing it softly behind him. Felicity barely watched him enter before continuing onto drying her hair, then changed into her beloved red dress that Oliver bought for her back in Paris. With her ring back in place, she mentally patted herself on the back when only a single tear was shed this time. 

_\------------------------------------------------_

_Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you_

_And all we've been through_

_I said leave it, leave it, leave it_

_If it's nothing to you_

_And if you hate me, then hate me, hate me, just hate me so good_

_That you can let me out, let me out, let me out_

_'Cause it's hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

 

It’s quiet backstage, John and Thomas huddled in the corner going over the set list. Oliver nowhere to be seen.  Felicity left the suite shortly after he came in, so she decided to go back to check on him.  A decision she’d probably regret later, as they did not need another fight to ensue, barely an hour before their last show in the States.  Before she could turn around from the door, Felicity was nearly knocked over by a large familiar mass which she immediately recognized as her Oliver.

“Good, you’re alive. John and Tom were just going over the set list.”

“Tell them to meet in my dressing room, band meeting in five.”

“Oliver we have a show in less-“

“I know Felicity, I’m in this band too, and I just want us to sort out our creative differences before going on stage, okay?”

Felicity looked behind the door, finding his wet towels once again on the bed, and not in the makeshift hamper she brought.

“I told you to stop leaving the used towels on the bed Oliver.  That’s what the hamper is for… or leave it on a hanger, why do you- never mind. Let’s go, I’ll text the guys on the way.” Felicity sighed and walked towards the elevator without looking back.

That was the last time Felicity talked with Oliver about towels.

                                               ------------------------------------------------

 

Oliver burst into her dressing room shortly after their disastrous band meeting.  Felicity could feel his frustration from a mile away, and mentally prepared herself for their routine argument.  However, this wasn’t one of them.  This time, it started off composed, and ended with a certain sense of finality that he was never comfortable with.

“What’s wrong now Felicity.”

“Nothing-“

“-And don’t say nothing.”

“Why did you come in here?”

“Because you didn’t contribute to the meeting at all. I don’t think you even said a word in there Fe, the whole point was for us talk it all out, change whatever you wanted to change.” Oliver’s voice a little louder this time, and Felicity let out a bitter laugh.

“Whatever I wanted to change? Do you even hear yourself? It doesn’t matter what I want Oliver, my opinion no longer matters to you anymore, not since-“

“Fe-li-ci-ty,” Oliver warned.

“It doesn’t matter Oliver, because you’re just going to do what you want anyways.  And you’re right, because this is your band.  So can I just go back to…”

“You’re making me sound like I’m in control of everything here, you know I never wanted to make another album that quickly, or ever. Everything after ‘Desolate’ was out of my hands! God Felicity I have to handle everything and please EVERY FUCKING BODY can you please just be a little cooperative and”

“Cooperative?  I’m not being cooperative? I wasn’t the one who called the band meeting Oliver, you did.  You want to fix everything, but you have to accept that some things can’t be magically solved within a 15 minute meeting.  I’ve played nice during the entire tour, I know how stressed you’ve been since ‘Desolate’ because I WAS THERE and god damn it I’m frustrated too, this wasn’t my dream either Oliver, I feel so trapped here where everything’s always so tense and no one’s truly content with their work.  How dare you say I haven’t been cooperative Oliver I sacrificed nearly SEVEN YEARS OF MY LIFE IN YOUR SHADOWS and-“

“IN MY SHADOWS? Is that what this has been like for you? No one’s trapping you here Felicity, YOU CAN LEAVE WHENEVER YOU WANT TO. You know what, I’m SICK of this, OF US too, so how about I make this easier on all of us, huh?  You wanna leave? THE DOOR’S RIGHT THERE.  In fact YOU’RE FIRED, THERE. I’M LETTING YOU OUT THE FUCKING CAGE. THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO HOLD YOU BACK ANYMORE. SO GO. I’M SICK OF THIS FELICITY. JUST GO.” Oliver finished with his index finger pointing to the door.

The two stood silently in the aftermath, both out of breaths and neither of their minds working to process what’s just happened.  Once the words settled into both their heads, Felicity looked up to see Oliver’s eyes with a myriad of emotions, but fear and regret seem to have conquered the rest.  Soon enough he started shaking his head fiercely, like he was trying to break away from a nightmare, but before he could open his mouth, a group of crew members came in, obviously having listened to the entire meltdown outside these paper walls, to escort Oliver to the stage.  Felicity turned her back until the crew left the room with him.

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_That's a lie, there's no one else who ever made me cry_

_There's nothing I can think of that you did wrong_

_I'm just cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking up a storm_

 

 

 

Oliver’s life choices have always been questionable prior to meeting Felicity, especially now.  After being pushed onto stage, fans were confused as to where Felicity was, and why she wasn’t on stage beside him.  Oliver couldn’t straight up lie to them, as there were already rumours going around about how the couple had been treading through rough waters, and barely got along anymore… and Oliver had a horrible feeling that everything was going to change after tonight, but he was far too gone to care too much about it. 

The audience did not take the news of Felicity’s sudden departure from the band very well.  No one up, off, or behind the stage were comfortable, so Oliver decided to cut the show short to save everyone the trouble.  As Oliver began walking off backstage, his brain seem to have calmed, then when his heart finally caught up with the reality of what just happened, Oliver's legs sped up as he ran towards Felicity’s dressing room, praying to whatever God that's listening that she’d still be there. 

Felicity was packing up her carry-on bag when Oliver barged into her room, panting. Expecting her to turn around, Oliver stayed in place watching Felicity walk around, efficiently ignoring his presence.  God she was so beautiful. Oliver began to panic as she continued to be seemingly unfazed by his presence, so he decided to make himself known… it wasn't like he had anything else to lose.

Felicity could feel him coming closer to her, she couldn’t look at him.  Not now.  Not when she’s trying to be brave enough to leave.

“Felicity,” Oliver whispered a feet away from her, with a soft voice he reserved only for her, “please, look at me.”

Felicity turned slowly, as a last favour to him, and looked up to his now much calmer, and miserable eyes. Suddenly she almost felt too weak to do what she was set out on doing. Almost. Without breaking their intense eye contact, Felicity slowly reached to her right hand, pulling off the promise ring he gave to her back in Lille, and raised it for him take.

Oliver’s tear ducts were nearly full when he looked down to the ring, then to his own, remembering the exact moment they exchanged it, and how absolutely blissful they were before everything else took over.

“I love you Felicity.” He whimpered.

“I know.” She acknowledged softly.

“I didn’t mean to yell. I know I promised you I’d never yell… We just need some space Felicity, and we’ll be okay.  We always take a breather when we fight. You can come join the rest of us on tour when you’re ready… I just, we’re not getting along, and I just want to save us before we hate us... because I love us Felicity, God I love _you_.” Oliver continued, pouring everything he has out to her… but he could see it, in those beautiful eyes of hers that she was slowly shutting down, and shrinking back behind the walls that her father once put there.

“No, Felicity, Fe-li-ci-ty. Please. Please don’t leave us like this.”

“Oliver, we’re just going in circles, in O’s… neither of us are happy with ourselves, or in the place we're in, and if we don’t do something different about it, we _will_ end up hating each other. I meant what I said before. Just let me out, Oliver.”

There was a sense of finality to the way she phrased her goodbye, as if she was walking out on him for good… and Oliver dreaded how he was feeling; a myriad of frustration and heartbreak that he could no longer differentiate after loving someone so resilient like his Felicity, who was now just... Felicity. Oliver panicked once more at the sudden realization, and swiftly pressed their bodies together out of desperation and kissed her roughly, and she let him, opening her own mouth as she tasted the mixture of their tears, combined with their distinctive taste that they’ve both grown addicted to for the past seven years.  Oliver couldn’t bear to look at her after they pulled away from each other.  She pressed one last kiss to the left of his chest, blinking against it several times, before walking out of her dressing room, and out of his life.

It was freeing.

 

_I love you, I love you, I love you and all we've been through_

_I said leave it, leave it, just leave it_

_If it's nothing to you_

_And if you hate me, then hate me, hate me, just hate me so good_

_That you can let you out, let you out, let you out_

_'Cause it's hell when I'm around._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there. The unravelling of the incident.  
> Now that we know the truth of exactly how they ended,  
> next we explore the in betweens, via the fluffy days of France and the hell that was Star City...
> 
> Leave your thoughts down below! I love reading your comments :)


	4. Delicate - 2005/2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have lost you to sleep again, sleeping as we do on opposite sides of a Venn diagram"  
> AKA, the build up of Oliver and Felicity's relationship in France (2005), and its break down in the hell that was Star City (2009).
> 
> AKA, more hints are dropped, more questions are asked than answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note rating change  
> Delicate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DebqF9_AXuE

**Paris, France I May 20, 2005**

 

She woke up first, for once. The intense beam of sunlight rousing her glowing body. Felicity’s always had a habit of not shutting the curtains in the evening, and usually Oliver would be the one to do it before bed but… she was especially enthusiastic with him last night.  Still in yesterday's floral skirt, Felicity recalled how he shook his head in amusement when she insisted on taking absolutely no breaks in between their vigorous love making, but even with his extraordinary stamina, Felicity eventually tired him out to the point of no return, passing out while still remaining hard inside her, only seconds away from delivering her fifth orgasm of the night.

After her very last exam in December, Oliver took her out to a pint-size crêpe place to celebrate the completion of her degree. Felicity liked crepes, but it wasn’t one of their usual spots, by spots, she really just meant Big Belly Burger.  She wanted to ask him about it, as well as why he was doing that nervous tick with his hands again… but before she could open her mouth, Oliver blurted it all out. His wish for her to join him in France. Oliver hesitantly looked up to see a beaming Felicity. One diploma, two passports, and three weeks later, the two former Dublin residents were loft hunting around downtown Paris.

Felicity wasn’t quite sure when their relationship took a more romantic turn.  Whether it was due to their instant electrifying chemistry, their deeply growing bond, or perhaps it was due to the fact that they were the two most stubborn human beings on the planet, who endlessly challenged and encouraged the other in everything that they did.  Whatever it may be, Felicity was thankful that it had naturally led them to where they were now, the happiest she’s ever been.

There was never a line that had to be crossed, since there was no line drawn to begin with. They never talked about it.  Not after their first kiss, or after their first time. They didn’t need to. However Oliver was Felicity’s first _everything_ , so she did tread carefully, especially after having lost so much, so young. Felicity would remind herself from time to time, of her promise to her late mother long ago that she would never lose herself in a man.  However, all her rational fears would swiftly vanish whenever she witnessed how Oliver looks at her, with absolute clarity and utter adoration, she knew that he was just as in deep in it as her- and so Oliver Queen became the one risk Felicity Smoak was more than happy to take. They liked the bubble they've inhabited, entailing of just her, him, and their music, and nothing else. Felicity never wanted to get out.

 

_We might kiss_

_When we are alone_

_When nobody's watching_

_We might take it home_

 

 “Was it the fire again?” Oliver whispered, blinking himself awake, brows furrowed in concern as he turned to face his surprisingly awake Felicity on their new bed, which they’ve managed to worn down in just one week’s time.

“Nope. No nightmares this time… not in a long time.” Felicity shook her head quietly and assured him with a small smile, shifting Oliver’s initial worrisome demeanor into a much lighter one.

“…Then how is it that my beautiful sloth is already wide-awake? _Before_ noon?” Oliver smoothly teased, pecking Felicity’s lips once, twice, then three more times… Oliver’s heart tightened when he heard his beloved blonde giggle harmoniously as he playfully grabbed a handful of her wild locks the way she liked.  When she sweetly kissed him back, Oliver promptly turned them so she was lying on her back, pressed between his hard body and their soft bed as he continued to plant tiny kisses all over her delectable face, then proceeded to nibble gently on her rosy lips, paying special attention to her swollen bottom ones. Quickly though, their playful kisses turned into something more passionate as Felicity wrapped her waifish arms around his neck, stroking the back of his hair as well as his outer lips for entrance.  Soon, their tongues danced a familiar tango for a solid minute before they pulled back for breath, both panting.  Oliver’s tender gaze however, never shifted from her enchanting pair of sapphire orbs.  There was always a level of desire and intensity whenever he looked at her, and that warmed Felicity’s insides.

 

_We might make out_

_When nobody's there_

_It's not that we're scared_

_It's just that it's delicate_

 

“mhmm…”  Felicity sighed in content, opening back her eyes to look up at his, her hands still holding his face close. “I’d wake up earlier more often if this is what it’s like, you know.”

“I kiss you like this anyways.” Oliver laughed, still happily pressed on top of her tiny frame with his morning wood.

“That’s… very true. I’m the luckiest lady in the world.”

“I should record this for future reference, you know, before you actually wake up to your true form.” Oliver snickered, his eyes laughing, while Felicity’s were not at all amused, in fact that remark earned him a soft smack on his shoulder.

“Ouch, what was that for?” Oliver exclaimed in pretend anger, rubbing the imaginary pain away with his hand.

“Proof.  That I’m awake. And without coffee so-“

“Right. Now if you’d excuse me, I have a single large order of coffee flavoured sugar to make for a certain grouchy blonde.” Oliver taunted, his voice filled with equal amounts of playfulness and mockery.

Before she could smack him again, Oliver swiftly lifted himself off of their bed, purposely avoiding her ferociously waving hands as he half ran down to the kitchen laughing.

“Stop judging my coffee preferences Oliver Queen or your next ringtone will be raccoon flatulence on repeat!”

                                                       ----------------------------------------------------------

**Star City, USA I January 26, 2009**

 

Felicity woke up to yet another empty bed. Oliver has been getting up even earlier than usual for his not-even-morning-yet runs.  It's the only time that they spend apart anymore.  Ever since the label managed to push Oliver into make another album after their debut tour finished, they've been locked inside the downtown studio writing, recording, and fighting around-the-clock.  

Subsequently their popular success with ‘O’, an endless sea of record labels reached out to Oliver, hoping to sign his band.  After getting with Wilson’s Records, they dove head first into what could only be considered the hell that was the Hollywood music industry, and of course Oliver fought against every decision and conditions the label made.  At first it was him and the band, against the management and the label. However, having already finished their two year tour for ‘O’ a year ago, everyone was looking to Oliver for a follow-up album.  The label pushed for it, and while Oliver lived solely for the music and not for producing records, the band didn’t quite agree. Felicity just told him to do what he wanted, as usual, but he wanted to make her proud. Oliver’s deserted so many things in life, he knew he had to continue this one, even if he never planned on releasing another album to the world, let alone this quickly. 

It was the gradual buildup of an amalgamation of pressures that caused Oliver to spiral down the rabbit hole. There was the constant pestering from management on approving remixes he didn’t like, sponsoring products he didn’t use, and attending functions in which he had absolutely no clue about.  Then eventually the band began to question when they were going to start recording again, all waiting on Oliver for an answer, so they started with booking a few sessions here and there, even going back to Dublin for a week in hopes to bring back some inspiration.  However, none of what they recorded pleased Oliver’s ears, and after a period of time where that kept happening, Oliver became extremely frustrated with himself... and with everyone else. Soon Oliver was fed up by the amount of pressure he was getting, as all of them ignored his creative process... and his fear of inadequacy did nothing to ease the sense of doubt he felt from the people around him, thinking that he'll never actually finish the record.

Needless to say, the tension which stemmed from those issues put numerous pressures on the young couple's professional and personal lives. Felicity and Oliver stood helplessly as their relationship started to deteriorate in front of their eyes during the recording of ‘Desolate’.  The blurring of lines between work and life began when Oliver brought the remnants of his arduous and imposing attitude home, leading Felicity to relay her creative dissatisfaction as to the reasons for her discontent with their relationship.  They tried to draw a line, forbidding any talk of work the moment they roll onto their driveway. However that strategy only seemed to have worked for the better part of two weeks, until the band eventually began living in the studio, trying to meet the release deadline that their management has placed. Soon enough, the fruitless arguments found its way back to their makeshift bed in the corner of the studio room. The delicate bubble shattered, and Oliver was too lost to notice until it was too late.  

Under the increasing pressure from the label, the band and his fan base, Oliver reluctantly surrendered, and more or less threw together the second album within a short year.  He listened to everyone but himself, choosing the songs the label liked instead of his own. At that point, he just couldn’t care anymore. It was one of the worst years of his life, well until 2010. Nothing worse could ever compare to that year.

 

_So why do you fill my sorrow_

_With the words you've borrowed_

_From the only place you've known_

 

Oliver came home to an already woken Felicity. Dressed in one of his white t-shits, she pranced around the loft, not noticing him. A small smile immediately reached his tired and sweaty face, one that quickly died down once reality hit. They haven’t been good for a while, but now that the album was coming out in less than a month, Oliver couldn’t wait.  He’d please everyone.  The fans and the label wouldn’t hassle him anymore, John and Thomas’s work could finally be decently rewarded, and his plan to make it right with Felicity could begin.

“ _I have lost you to sleep again, sleeping as we do on opposite sides of a Venn diagram_ ” Felicity’s melodic sound is tinted with melancholy as it echoed through their newly purchased loft. Oliver followed the voice into the yard, bursting with hundreds of diverse varieties of flowers Oliver could never recognize.

“Nice tune,” Oliver called out, hoping to get his beloved blonde’s attention.

“What?” Felicity squealed back in mild surprise, followed by a tilt of her head.

“The line you just sang? It was beautiful, I’ve never heard it before though.”

“Oh, it’s just a little something I wrote.”

“You wrote something?” Oliver implored, voice laced with surprise, and something else she couldn’t quite determine.

“Uh, yeah-“

“... Wanna share with the class?”

“Oh it’s nothing, I would barely classify it as a song, just a little hum for myself.”

“Oh. How long have you been writing these… hums?”

“Just whenever-“

“During ‘Desolate’? You know, we could’ve used all the help we could get... especially during the writing process. You knew that took up most of our time-“

“What are you trying to say?” Felicity's voice sharper now.

“Nothing, nothing. Just, maybe you could’ve mentioned that you had a couple of songs in mind, perhaps then we wouldn’t have had to live in that goddamn studio for the better part of last year.” Oliver muttered, with a shrug he was hoping looked casual.

“Are you _accusing_ me… of not sharing my blurbs of shower inspirations?” 

“No I’m... I’m just saying maybe you’ve been more vocal in helping out with the writing... like you used to be....”

“Instead of being what? I’m sorry that me not wanting to butt in on your creative process was such an inconvenience to you Oliver…”

“That, that wasn’t what I meant, and you _know_ that. Look, I don’t want to fight today okay? Can we just-“

“You’re the one who brought it up Oliver.” Felicity interjected squarely. 

“I , I know. I’m sorry, let’s just... forget about it. I don’t know what came over me. It’s my band, and I shouldn’t fault you for the struggles that were my own doing, that’s not on you. “ There was a pregnant pause between them before Felicity looked back up into his weary eyes. 

"I... I was there for you the whole time, Oliver… Wasn’t I?” Felicity suddenly asked, her voice softened with doubt.

“Of course.” Oliver responded instantly, with a small smile on his face, then slowly turned to walk back into the house.

Felicity couldn’t help but flinch slightly at the lack of sincerity in his last words.

                                                             --------------------------------------------------

**Paris, France I February 15 2005**

 

_We might live like never before_

_When there's nothing to give_

_Well how can we ask for more?_

“It’s beautiful,” Felicity whispered when Oliver finished singing her the second verse for a tune he’d been working on lately.

“You are.” Oliver confirmed, with a complacent smile that brought out the dimples in his cheeks.

“Play it for me from the top?”

“If it’s you asking, anything.”

It’s been a little more than a month since Oliver and Felicity landed in Paris, both of them nippily fell in love with the city of love. They had a simple routine which they relished.  Oliver would get up early in the morning to find creative ways to wake his favourite blonde from deep sleep, and always made sure that what she referred to as ‘coffee’ was always ready, then he’d make them breakfast in bed while hanging on intently to her babbles on the latest piece of gadget on the market. Felicity would then devote the rest of the morning washing (mostly breaking) the dishes while Oliver went to the market for groceries. He’d always come back with something for her.  Whether it was a trinket of some kind that reminded him of her, or her junk food of choice for the week... and Oliver lived for how her pair of sapphires would twinkle with delight each and every time.

The afternoons were their favourite because they spent it always together. Oliver would pick up his guitar to write if inspiration caught, and it wasn’t that hard when his very own muse in the form of a tiny blonde would dance around their loft to each of his tunes, bouncing away that beautifully plump ass of hers. Sometimes they’d go on strolls in the gardens behind their property and talk about nothing, feeling completely satisfied. Other times, it was Oliver teaching Felicity how to play the piano, which Oliver has taken upon himself to do, and Felicity happily accepted.  

“I like this one. I think it sounds better just on the guitar though… but it is missing something.”

“Yeah?”

“Violin maybe? Some long notes during the chorus...” Felicity thought out loud, inquisitively, her soft brows and nose scrunched up to the most adorable pout, “ooh I could hear it in my head now, yes. Definitely violin!” Felicity excitedly bounced her way to sit beside him, a proud grin on her face.

“You’re remarkable, Felicity.”

“Thank you for remarking on it,” Felicity beamed at the compliment. “So where’s that free playing lesson I was promised- not THAT kind of playing, I mean the piano, playing the piano, not that I don’t want to play other things, just... oh god shut me up!”

Half an hour later, Felicity’s infamous pout was on full display again when her delicate fingers couldn’t quite reach a full octave on the piano.

“Do you think there are pianos made for people with stupidly sized hands? I know I told you that I was saving up for a tablet, but I changed my mind. This is where I’m putting all my money at.”

“It just takes practice hon, you’ll get there. I know you will.”

“And how can you be so sure?” She turned herself on the bench to face him.

“Because you have a best teacher in the world, who also gets you to… other places.” Oliver coaxed, offering her his infamous wink.

“What a charmer you are, Oliver Queen.” Felicity quipped, before rolling her eyes at her smug partner in question.

“At your service.” He retorted haughtily, tilting his imaginary hat. He then bent down to press a gentle kiss on top of her head before going into the kitchen for some water.

Oliver turned back towards the living room only to see his beloved blonde bent over slightly, her exquisitely plump ass which was encased in a pair of skin-tight leggings, on full display as she pushed the piano bench back to its place. His slacks tightened immediately at the glorious sight, and watched ravenously as she pulled the elastic out of her hair and shook her head riotously to loosen her wild blonde locks as if the hair tie had personally offended her. The guileless act was enough to finish him off… she always had that effect on him. Oliver made quick strides to close their distance and softly enveloped his colossal arms around her slender waist from behind, which caused her to jump slightly, but immediately relaxed as she leaned her head back, allowing him to find solace by nestling his face in her porcelain neck.

“You alright hon?” She queried lightly.

“You’re insatiable Felicity, you know that?” Oliver responded coarsely.

“... Well, I could certainly _feel_ it.” Felicity teased as Oliver’s arms... along with other things, tightened even more. Felicity got the message and slickly arched her back to emphasize her point.

The loose beige sweater she had been wearing fell off her delicate shoulders while he fervently sucked along her neckline before leaving a trail of gentle kisses towards the newly exposed skin. One of his hands left her waist to grab a handful of her unruly curls to tilt her head, giving him more access, this elicited a soft moan from Felicity that sent him spiraling. Oliver pressed his hard body further against hers’, feeling his rock hard cock against the dimple of her spine, while the hand on her waist began to trail under her sweater, rubbing soothing circles against her creamy bare stomach. All the while Felicity was being revered by Oliver’s touches, one of her hands reached to the back of his head to grab its short hairs tightly.

“Oliver, touch me.” Her soft voice vibrated as she tenderly grinded her back to his front, feeling how hungry he was for her just as Oliver reached up to roughly cup her perky breasts after smoothly unclasping her bra from the front, kneading them with care one at a time.  As he felt Felicity panting louder in his ear, he alternated between flicking and pinching her nipples until they were as rosy as her beautifully flushed face. Felicity’s breathing became heavier at that as she continued to circle the back of her hips to his hard front, uttering nonsense along the lines of demanding Oliver to continue.

Soon Oliver swiftly turned her around to pin her tiny frame between his large one and the living room wall, slightly lifted above ground, he then sandwiched her face with both of his calloused hands before leaning in, waiting for Felicity to close the gap. They devoured each other deeply as their tongues danced a familiar tango while Felicity ran her delicate fingers affectionately down his bare back, then traveled to the front of this belt, brushing over his throbbing cock that twitched each time she grazed against it, toying around with the pant zipper.

“Felicity,” he groaned. Oliver moved his lips along the trail of her jawline back down to her defined collarbone, one hand gripping the nape of her neck, and the other left to caress down the delicious curve of her back as Felicity held his head to her ample chest, which sent shivers of pleasure down his own spine. Oliver’s hand soon found itself under the shrill waistband of her criminal leggings and her—

“Jesus Christ, Felicity,” he growled, his tone brasher and rougher this time.

“What?” she asked, before his hand slipped further down to grip firmly the bare silky skin of her sinful posterior.

“Why are….were you bare underneath the whole day?” Oliver hissed as he bit down sharply at her pulse point.

“You know I… that I, oh God-” Felicity mumbled between gasps. “… that I, I don’t like wearing anything under these leggings…mhmm,” Felicity moaned in contentment as Oliver continued to lap over the fresh forming bruise he just marked her with. “I mean now you don’t, have to rip… rip any more of my panties so you can just—” The rest of her barely coherent thought died out with a punitive intake of breath as Oliver’s hand slid through her supple round cheeks to find her dripping hot centre, and Felicity’s head fell onto his shoulder while his face was buried somewhere in her blonde locks as two of his roughened fingers slid along her folds, gathering her familiar juices before he fondled with her sensitive clit, pinching it two more times before bringing his fingers to his mouth to taste.

“Good God you taste heavenly, Felicity… always so deliciously wet for me. Tell me how long you’ve been dripping like this… Is this all for me sweetheart? ” Oliver murmured into her ear, while he nibbled on her industrial piercing the way he knew she liked. Feeling her nod ferociously, he slid his entire hand down from the front this time, palming her centre entirely before he plunged two fingers repeatedly into her tight channel. His other hand groping her taut ass as she jumped up to wrap her bare legs around his waist and rode his fingers until she felt the familiar tingle down her spine and constricted her inner muscles, trapping her beloved’s digits inside her as she whimpered his name over and over again in pleasure. One hard pinch of her clit sent Felicity spiraling to her climax as she milked him, coating his fingers with her warm essence.

Felicity took her time to calm down. With their foreheads pressed against each other’s, Oliver carried his exhausted blonde to their bed, gently laying her down while he moved to settle his face on her hipbone, his hands spreading and pinning her legs down. He slowly moved his face to her still quivering centre as he blew softly on it and watched her beautifully flushed face squirm. Oliver then smoothly licked through her folds once, twice, then thrust his tongue into her tightness abruptly, no control in his rhythm.

“Too much Oliver, I, I can’t…” Felicity bucked her hips wildly, still too sensitive from her last orgasm.

“Just one more time sunshine… can you give me one more?” He mumbled near her clit, sending vibrations that pushed her over the edge again, spilling her juices as he eagerly lapped it up, both humming in pleasure.

After gently cleaning up a half asleep Felicity, Oliver quietly went to the bathroom to take care of himself. When he came back out, Felicity was curled up into a tiny ball, still only in her sweater. He covered them both with their larger comforter and wrapped himself around her, offering her warmth. 

“mmhm… your turn.”

“...Already took care of it,” Felicity frowned at the fact. “You’re exhausted Felicity, c’mon, sleep...” Oliver pressed a soft kiss to her temple, “I love you.” He mouthed, both succumbing to deep unconsciousness as their breathing steadily synchronized, their fingers and bodies intertwined.

                                                                -------------------------------------------

  **Star City, USA I October 1, 2009**

 

It was two in the morning when they packed up backstage to leave.  Oliver and co had just finished their second show for their worldwide tour to promote ‘Desolate’.  It ended sourly, after Oliver sensed that Felicity was out of it by the halfway mark. At first it was forgetting her words, which has happened before, and both Oliver and the fans always found it endearing, the way she’d fluster and shuffle to Oliver’s side for him to whisper the next bit of lyrics to her, followed by a kiss to her temple… but not this time. After her initial blank out, she took a step back instead, letting Oliver to continue on his own, which was awkward given that they were performing a duet. Oliver wondered if it was because of their argument this morning that set her off… maybe it was the wet towels again, or was it when he walked out and slammed their hotel door afterwards… Oliver knew she wasn’t happy with this album because it wasn’t something that _he_ was proud of, but solely a product of his self-doubt and peer pressure.  Felicity witnessed firsthand at how this album broke away the man that she fell for half a decade ago, and how it slowly tore holes into their bubble, leaving wounds they couldn’t heal in their relationship. Oliver wondered if they were reaching their breaking point… Was she falling out of love with him? Was he worth all that she’s endured in these past two years? … Was she close to giving up on them? ... Was he?

 

_Why do you sing Hallelujah_

_If it means nothing to you_

_Why do you sing with me at all?_

 

Oliver was shaken out of his trance when John came into his dressing room.

“You alright man?”

“Yeah, are we ready to go?”

“Just waiting on Tommy, he couldn’t find his earphones. Again. We should really get him the ones that stick to his ears.”

“Yeah I don’t think even that will help much. And Fe?”

“She’s ready. She’s always ready before any of us… She seemed out of it, well more than usual lately. Did you guys…”

“Yeah.”

“What was it about this time?”

“Towels. Wet towels I think… then it eventually went back to the album as usual. John I-“

“The ride is here, we have to go.” Felicity’s voice cut in curtly as she came in unnoticed. “Tommy’s ready too. I had to help him find his earphones, well it wasn’t really lost, I mean I guess it being tangled under the bag of Cheetos he was hogging the whole night sort of counts… we also found his charger, which is nice, since he’s the only person on this planet who still uses a blackberry even though I’ve been trying to get him to switch to an iPhone for ages since they have a different…” Felicity paused her usual ramble, shaking her head, then proceeded with caution. “Right. Anyways. Ride is here. Ready?”

“Felicity, can we talk before we-‘

“I don’t want to talk right now Oliver.” Felicity courteously interjected, then briskly left the room, surrounding herself with the security crew she had befriended quickly with her charming smiles.

Oliver and co walked out of the venue to hordes of journalists trying to shove microphones to their faces, and camera flashes that blinded them from seeking out their intended ride. Felicity’s headache had gradually gotten worse since this morning, and she was starting to feel sick again from all the noise and flashes.  Unable to communicate with words, considering how loud everything was- Felicity softly squeezed Oliver’s arm once, and without looking to her, he immediately pulled her closely behind him, attempting to block everything from her eyes so all she felt was Oliver as he slowly moved them to the car.

The ride to the hotel was met with apprehensive silence. Felicity plastered her face to the window, while Oliver kept his baby blues on her the entire time.  She could feel his gaze on her, she knew he had a lot to say, but she was so worn-out, too drained to deal with what was going on right now. So when their ride stopped, Felicity swiftly got out without waiting for Oliver, and headed straight to their room.

The door opened minutes after she went in.

“Felicity-“

“Can we not do this tonight Oliver? I can barely stand straight without wanting to vomit all over this pretty carpet and-“

“- Are you pregnant?” Oliver blurted out in question.

“…What?”

“You’ve been constantly nauseous for the past week, then there’s the constant mood swings... aside from our fights, I mean I know this isn't what you want so-“

“Ok let me stop you right there. I’m not pregnant Oliver. These are vague symptoms that can be applied to, I don’t know, any exhausted and jet-lagged human who’s in the midst of recovering from a flu - not that I expected you to even notice…”

“Felicity,”

“But hey, I’m glad you’d think that I’d keep it from you if something like that were to actually happen.”

“Well I wouldn’t know for sure Felicity-”

“Why? Why wouldn’t I tell-“

“Because you don’t want them Felicity!”

“… Is that what’s this is about? Felicity questioned as her face fell. “We’ve talked about this already Oliver, along with everything else back in Lille, you know exactly how I feel about-“

“I know. I know.  I just… if something like this were to happen, I want to know and be there to-”

“What, so you could convince me?”

“No, of course not! I’d like to know, so I can be there to support you… WHY would you think anything else?”

“WHY would you think I’d hide something like being pregnant from you?” Felicity countered with an eyebrow raised, and hurt across her face.

Minutes after, the couple remained still, both staring each other down as they silently dared the other to answer while being absolutely terrified of what would come out.

“I…” Oliver’s shoulders sank, and he shook his head briefly before looking back up to Felicity. “Look, you’re tired? I’m tired too. I know I said we should never go to bed angry… but I just, I really don’t want to fight about something like this when we’re both in sour moods.”

Felicity gave a soft nod before turning towards the door, “Where are you going, Felicity?” Oliver’s brows furrowed.

“I think its best if we get separate rooms tonight.” She looked up to see Oliver immediately shaking his head.

“Felicity, you know how I feel about that. Please.”

“Oliver, can I just…just once, can I decide something for the both of us?”

“Don’t say it like that Felicity, you know why I need to be beside you...”

“I know. I didn’t… mean it like that. I’ll be right next door with John, he’s got the double. He knows about the nightmares, I’ll be okay, promise.”

Oliver had no choice but to reluctantly nod in acceptance. He spent the rest of the night willing himself to sleep by staring at Felicity's contact on his phone, hoping a picture of her enchanting smile would have the same pacifying effect as the real deal.

Oliver remained wide-awake when the sun came up in the morning.

                                                            ---------------------------------------------------

 **Lille, France I September 8, 2005**   

 

She was in denial, praying that Oliver was wrong.  However, after a disappointing google search, she admitted defeat. There were, in fact, no Big Belly Burgers in Lille.

Oliver and Felicity packed their bags in the midst of summer, leaving their tiny loft in downtown Paris for a one way LGV Nord towards Northern France. It was Felicity’s idea to move, suggesting that a change of scenery may help spark some new inspirations for his music, and confessed as to feeling a little crowded living in a hectic city like Paris.  The following morning, Oliver brought home Felicity a new panda case for her tablet, and a pair of train tickets; one way direct to Lille.

“Oliver, this is ludicrous. Big Belly is a chain diner, it’s supposed to be everywhere, even in the outskirts of town in Europe.”

“Sweetheart, we could always take a trip back to Dublin to celebrate instead. It’d be nice, you know… coming full circle.”

“No, no that’s alright. We’ll find a new place. Not that I’m trying to replace Big Belly or anything, no other diners in the world can compare to their triple chocolate shakes, and don’t get me started on the curly fries…”

“…Or... I can make that cordon bleu you love so much, empty out as many bottles of red you’d like… I may or may not have gotten us a bottle of 1982 Lafite Rothschild for tonight.”

“Oliver... you already planned the entire evening out didn’t you.” Felicity’s eyes narrowed to his, a playfully accusing tone in her voice.

“Well someone’s got to feed that tiny body of yours,” Oliver teased, a wide grin spread across his glowing face. For the first time in his twenty three years of life, he was content and entirely satisfied with the life he shared with Felicity, and it was all thanks to the fact that tonight, a year ago, a mishap weather report trapped them both inside the same pub in Dublin. Her, soaked to the ground, and him utterly entranced by how someone so small can spew out that many words per minute.

“Again, I will like to counter that remark with the fact that I _inherited_ my mother’s domestic impairment, so I have no faults in that department… and I will have proof that it _is_ , in fact, genetic. Soon. Further research is still required but there was a study-“ There it was again, that beautifully chaotic mind of hers, emitting all her unfiltered thoughts on… cooking genes?

Before Felicity, Oliver was a freshly new college graduate who hadn’t spoken with his esteemed family since he became of age, he had only one love in his life, and that was his music, but now… He speaks to his mom once a month over skype. They aren’t as close as they used to when he was a child, but they’re friendly… and she loves Felicity. Not just because she encouraged the mother-son reunion, but Moira saw exactly the person her son fell for. From the brief cameos during their video chats, it wasn’t hard for the Queen matriarch to notice and admire the strength and gentleness Felicity possessed, and how that was affecting her son in such a positive light.

Prior to meeting Oliver, Felicity was someone whose walls were stacked up to the hills, with good measure. After her father, the house fire, and Cooper, there were only so many harrowing misfortunes a seventeen year old girl could take before having doubts about her self-worth. She wasn’t shy or insecure, but there was always a fear of abandonment and deceit that she carried into all her interpersonal relationships, which weren’t that many to begin with.  Her mouth ran too fast for anyone to listen, her body too petite for anyone to notice, and her eyes too bright for anyone to look past it to find loneliness. But her voice, her voice was something people listened to. It was why she fell in love with music in the first place. People stayed, and they listened, because they coveted her. Felicity just never expected to meet someone who didn’t need to hear her voice before wanting her to stay. Someone who was eager to listen to all her unrefined thoughts, appreciate her small frame… and how lost he got looking into her eyes as if he had found the truth within them, and equally as enamored when he heard her melodic tone for the first time. Oliver surprised her. Continuously. Felicity knew she should have held back a bit, but when he looked at her so intently with those baby blues, she knew for certain that he wasn’t like the rest of her tragedies… because every time he did look, his eyes held a truth; he would never walk away from her.

Oliver’s really outdone himself. After their usual morning, Oliver gifted Felicity a spa and salon appointment in town that Felicity happily accepted, haven’t had any pampering of that sort in a while. When she came back to their single story in the late afternoon with her blond locks blown in slight waves and a fresh coat of red nails, she was struck with the smell of Gruyere and bacon.

“Honey, I’m home… Are we having an early dinner because I can smell the cheese from the doorway, and I missed lunch…” Felicity paused when she entered their kitchen. The counter stacked with ingredients she couldn’t name and Oliver smoothly handling all four pots on the stove seemingly without a sweat. Oliver turned to her with an enthusiastic grin on his face, shrugging off his apron as he made his way to her for a chaste kiss.

“What did we say about missing meals sweetheart? I’m almost done here though, give me half an hour? Actually make that a full one, I’m really sweaty.”

“Yeah? I really like it.” Felicity was about to wrap herself around him when the oven beeped loudly.

Oliver winced apologetically, “Sorry hon, gotta check on the chicken.”

“Why do I feel like you love the chicken more than me?”

Oliver chuckled, pecking her lips once again before heading towards to the oven, “Well you’re free to rip it to pieces in less than an hour.”

 

“I would applaud you for the production that was this evening, but I’m not one for dramatics.” Felicity teased, after finishing her second glass of red.

“You’re funny,” Oliver retorted lightly, then Felicity watched his face shift to a more anxious demeanor. “… I got you something. You know, for today.”

“You mean the spa day and dinner was just, what?”

“What I do regularly? I mean not the spa part, but I should be pampering you more and I’ll work on-“

“Oliver, hon, I don’t need that sort of indulgence on a daily basis... and besides being your full time muse, I do have a job as a brilliant freelancer so I think I’ll be okay.”

“I know, and I love our life together Felicity.” Oliver offered a less tense smile, though the shifting of his index and thumb were back at it again. Oliver slowly reached into his pocket to pull out a square box, opening it up to place on the dining table. He looked up to see Felicity staring at it, her face neutral.

“What’s that?”

“A ring.”

“Right, obviously, I mean what’s it doing, in a box, in your hands, right now. I thought that we-”

“No I know we talked about it. We’re on the same page, I promise.”

“Then what’s that?”

“A promise.”

“Oliver, I’m beginning to be slightly annoyed at your trademark vagueness, so you better spill some actual words out of that kissable mouth of yours right this instant.”

“… I’m not asking you for marriage Felicity, I understand that weddings and kids are never going to be in the cards for you... and I don’t plan on trying to change your mind. This ring is a promise to that, of my commitment. To you.” Oliver confessed squarely.

“Oliver…” Felicity’s soft tone saddened, “but you _want_ a wedding… and the kids. I don’t want you to commit yourself to something you’ll regret later on. We’re still young, and it’s okay that we’re not on the same page, you don’t have to change your dreams for me. You shouldn’t-“

“I’m not changing anything Felicity, I’d _like_ those things, perhaps, but I can be just as happy without them. I can’t say the same if I didn’t have you.” Felicity looked away at that, shaking her head softly. Oliver stood to bend down in front of her seat, lifting her chin so their blue eyes could meet.

“Look Felicity, I know that we’re young, you’re barely 19… but we’re in something serious here, and I don’t want there to be any sort of doubt between us as to how long or deep this is going to go. I’m completely in Felicity. I’m giving you this ring as a promise to what I’m saying. I’m not going to try to convince you of anything else, because nothing compares to the thought of not having you to share them with. This I promise you, Felicity...Do you?” Their eyes continued to gaze into each other’s, Oliver’s looked for faith while Felicity’s looked for honesty. At the end of the day, it’s a matter of trust, so Felicity once again took the risk with Oliver Queen and nodded her promise with conviction, watching as his eyes revitalized and his smile widened to the point of no return.

 “I’m not wearing that though.”

“You don’t like it? That’s okay, we can-“

“No, I mean, we should pick two bands to exchange. A promise goes both ways, right? I’m so putting a ring pop on this.” She exclaimed as she took and waved his fingers in amusement. Oliver could only nod eagerly in return.

 

_We might make love_

_In some sacred place_

_The look on your face is delicate_

 

Two hours later, Oliver and Felicity arrived back home with a rose gold band on each of their right hands.

Oliver was so caught up in their new found bliss and understanding, that he completely missed out on the tight piece of white lace Felicity was hugging under the coat he just took off of her.  

 “Jesus, Felicity…this, you're breathtaking.” he murmured as he wrapped one of his arms around her entire waist, while the other cradled the side of her face, stroking the velvet skin there. All he could do was stare at her, remembering how her creamy skin would flush where he grabbed it, where he bit, and where his stubble had burned her the night before. Felicity tilted her head, signaling for a kiss, and he happily complied.

They continued to devour each other as he guided them smoothly towards the open bedroom, Oliver suddenly picked Felicity up bridal style and gently sat her down on the edge of their bed before returning to soothe those swollen lips of hers. Their blue eyes never faltered from each other as one hand reached for the nape of her neck, and the other went to her side to slowly unzip the offending piece of lace fabric from her body. She was bare underneath, and Oliver drank in the sight of her nakedness, her beautiful legs were now bent and parted on either side of him, her wavy blonde locks completely disheveled from his hands, and her eyes… God he always got lost in those sapphires.

“Oliver, why are you still dressed,” It was more of a demand than a question, Oliver knew how much she hated when he got to undress her first. Quickly, Oliver got rid of all his clothes, leaving him just as bare for her to enjoy. “Come here.” Felicity beckoned, and Oliver went blindly to push her gently flat on the bed before climbing on top of her, keeping his weight off her tiny frame. As their tongues danced, he slid a hand up her smooth torso, tracing the swell of one of her ample breasts with his fingers, eliciting a sharp inhale from her as he repeated the action, enjoying the moans of pleasure escaping between her still perfectly painted red lips. Still wanting more, Oliver removed his mouth from her to gently bite the other nipple before giving the other the same treatment. Felicity’s hands were pulling at his short hair the entire time, bucking her hips wildly, and Oliver let out a roar when she rubbed her warm wetness up and down his rock hard shaft.

“Felicity... stop, or I can’t hold on,” Oliver growled roughly. “Fuck, Felicity…”

“Don’t then. Just come in...come inside me Oliver.”

“... If it’s you asking,”

Oliver smirked, and Felicity giggled at the remark, and god that did it for him. His cock twitched painfully at her melodic laughter and soon enough he shakily moved Felicity’s flexible legs over his shoulders and with one thrust, he snapped his hips deeply into her tight entrance.

Oliver struggled to hold back on his punishing rhythm, grunting as they pressed together their foreheads. she was just so extraordinary, and so his. For as long as they had each other, that’s what they promised tonight. They’ve become so familiar with each other’s bodies now that Oliver knew exactly when his dearly beloved was about to reach her climax, as he detached one of his hands from playing with her pebbling nipple to reach down her centre and rubbed her sensitive clit in time with his rigorous thrusts, which were going out of control by this point. Felicity was mumbling nonsense as she bucked her hips with his, almost keeping up with him while her fingers dug crescents into his back. Felicity let out a silent scream as she trembled in her orgasm, continuously clutching her inner muscles as Oliver helped her along, slowing down his pace for her... god she was so tight. It was the soft whimper of his name from her swollen red lips that pushed him to the edge, Oliver drove in hard, once, twice, then dropped his head back down, burying himself into her neck... and in her, as he spilled inside her, pulsating while he whispered her name like a prayer.  After they've both calmed down, Oliver swiftly cleaned them up and shifted them both so he could envelope Felicity’s beautifully relaxed body with his... she could feel how hard he still was for her, like he always is, but they were both too worn-out to do anything about it tonight.

“Oliver,” Felicity slowly turned to face him, placing her palms against his chest while one of his hands moved to cradle the back of her head, and the other to softly trace the dimple in her spine.

“Yes, sunshine?”

“...Have I ever told you that I love you?” She whispered in question, her sapphire eyes looked to his.

“… I don’t think so, but I know why... and I don’t mind. I know how you feel.”

“Well just in case, I love you.”

Oliver chuckled lightly, but his heart pounded loudly at her unguarded declaration. His clear blue eyes searching intently into hers, finding in it... faith. His face sobered to profess truthfully in return, for the countless time,

“I love _you_ , Felicity- _endlessly_.”

 

_Why do you sing Hallelujah_

_If it means nothing to ya_

_Why did you sing with me at all?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parallels, parallels everywhere. These two years saw the biggest shift in how they viewed their relationship... & I had a great time writing it!
> 
> VOTE down below, 1 more ch, or 2 more?


	5. Paper House- 2007/2011 + Letters In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We were all that we had, and breathed in each others words... I would ask for truth and you'd look for something to burn."
> 
> Set in 2007/2011 + Letters from Oliver between 2010-2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick THANK YOU to the readers for all the lovely comments & kudos, this is the penultimate chapter :)  
> The title was taken from Lisa Hannigan's 'Paper House'. Give it a listen! 
> 
> BOLD ITALICS are letters from Oliver throughout 2010 - 2014.  
> ITALICS are lyrics for Paper House in Felicity POV
> 
> Keep in mind of the dates as you read!
> 
> Paper House By Lisa Hannigan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6W7NEurJi0
> 
> Somebody that I Used to Know Cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNKbuHwIImo

 

**October 20, 2011 I Dublin, Ireland**

  

“Good morning!- or evening... thank you guys for tuning in- wherever you are. I’d like to apologize for being late- the internet is a bit shaky in this hotel… but I found a good spot in the bathtub so I think I got this livestream thing in the bag… oh hello to you too Elena… from Chicago, Dave from Liverpool, Alex, Karen, Jackson, Elijah- woah, already 7000 of you guys watching... well thanks for taking the time to chat with me through tiny pixelated screens, well I don’t know if it’s tiny or not… the screens I mean, _your_ screens-” Felicity took a subtle breath before starting again.

“… The Wanderer tour has been keeping me busy, so I just thought that maybe we could do a little live Q&A on my off day- as many of you have requested so on my last video. Eli from… Brazil said she Oloved it. Thank you Eli! And she was wondering why I chose to cover Gotye. Well mostly it was so I could get that darn song out of my head! It’s always on the radio isn’t it – besides, it’s such a great tune to sing.”

“Benson from California asks how it felt standing up on stage for the first time after the release of Wanderer. It was... humbling, but, challenging, to put simply- to get up there. But I was genuinely astounded at how everyone received me- and my record so easily. All that I could evoke from that night was gratitude, for a prolific second attempt at music…”

Felicity chuckled lightly at the next question, “Hannah from New York wants to know the reason behind my transformation from a ‘closed off and simply coloured' kind of girl, to now a much more cheerful version with quirky dress patterns. Well Hannah... it wasn’t exactly intentional- but, it was something I noticed as well... but it made sense, you know? I evolved, I mean, as a person- and gradually… it showed. One day I just looked into my closet, and took a step back to see all the colours that were in there… all the colours I lost… Yes Jenny-from-Vancouver, I know I was also notorious for not smiling or laughing on stage- it was just the way that I was... I’m not shy in person, but I am quite reserved. And on stage… that demeanor was amplified I guess- because of the songs I was singing, whom I was singing them with, and the place that I was in my life…its’s certainly easier to smile when I'm performing now, but at the core- I’m still very… reticent, you could say.”

Felicity took a brief pause, before smiling her way back into reality. “Let’s see, Phil from London said that his favourite song of mine is Lille, and was curious as to what mine was to perform live- now that I’ve been touring for 6 months…mhm, good question Phil-from-London… I really like ‘Paper House’. It’s probably my favourite one to do, it's a quiet tune... even more quiet I should say, as I don’t even have a band. 'Paper House’ is as delicate as it is personal... when I first played it in front of people, I found it quite… difficult. Now, I think it’s mostly a cathartic experience- almost therapeutic.”

“Miranda says that’s her favourite of mine too, and if I can play it now for the live-stream… Why not? We’ll have a small jam session, just me, Miranda and the 7000. Alright guys, I think I’m going to end the night- or morning off with a live play of Miranda and mine’s favourite tune- oh and before I forget, if you live nearby London and would like to come have a listen- you can still get your tickets for next Saturday online!... Have a good one guys, take care.”

 

 

_We lended our heavy hearts_

_Motors with broken parts_

_We had a deck of cards it was a start_

_We'd sit out in the sun_

_And wait for our skins to turn_

_You would ask for truth_

_And I would look for something to burn_

* * *

                                                                                                               

**May 26, 2007 I Dublin, Ireland**

 

 “Alright just a few more, then let’s get a few solo shots of you Felicity, okay?”

Oliver and Felicity have been on the road around Europe for the past year, occasionally with John and Tommy- headlining their debut album.  They never planned on going on tour- or even doing a single concert, when they independently released ‘O’ over a year ago… but then the album quickly rose to the top charts in the UK, and then the US within weeks of release- and soon enough, ‘O’ became a global commercial success.

New fans and critics were curious as to who the man was behind the heart-rending record. However, they were even more intrigued by the lingering female vocal that was featured on some of the most beloved tracks on ‘O’. Day-to-day articles were published about Queen, but still, little was known about the enigmatic female voice. The critics praised Felicity constantly in their reviews, and fans were pleading to see the face behind the voice in concert, as well as in talk shows. Oliver’s recently hired manager encouraged him to do some interviews to promote the record, and to shed a light on the artists behind it. It seemed like a good idea- for them to take charge of how the public perceived them before someone else did. So eventually... they conceded.

Oliver Queen soon rose in popularity. In addition to the critically acclaimed record that was ‘O’, his striking features hit well with everyone, and as soon as they saw Felicity on stage for the first time- they immediately fell in love with her enchanting presence.  Reviewers praised the duo’s harmonious vocals, and it didn’t hurt that their electrifying chemistry was outright palpable on stage as well as off it… people caught on soon enough- that this partnership involved much more than just music.

Oliver didn’t mind touring, he loved performing and meeting the people who listened to his records. It was just… overwhelming at times, especially for Felicity- who had never been in any sort of a public spotlight before. Felicity was no doubt a talkative and charming person, but that didn’t defuse the fact that she was a very reserved artist… it comes out as shy, but really she was just someone who relished her privacy. Oliver was worried that Felicity might burn out with the constant media exposure and routine travel, but she’d always ensure him with a cheerful smile that she was just happy his dream of a music career had finally taken off the way he wanted- freely and organically… and how lucky she was to be his partner through it all. She’d kiss him chastely, but then his pants would tighten at the connection- and the conversation would dissipate very quickly. 

“Ready when you are Felicity! Just bring up any of the props you’d like and have fun with it- we’re just going to get some candid shots.”

Felicity chose a plastic bow and arrow- where the arrow looked like a toilet plunger. She never got comfortable with photo-shoots, they were so… confining to her, but the props were fun to play with, and Oliver was having the time of his life behind the photographer- laughing while snapping away pictures of her as she hit herself with the bow… multiple times.

 

Felicity was engulfed in his white tee shirt and curled up into a tiny ball when he found her in their bedroom back home hours later. Oliver took the riveting sight in, her wild golden curls tamed in a loose top bun, her bare legs and pale panties on full display- and her lenient face hidden under the shirt. His girl was a rare amalgam of adorable and sexy, and he’s reminded every day of how lucky he was to share this life with her. Oliver’s gaze was captivated by the way she unfolded herself while half asleep- exposing her delicately defined curves. Her ample chest rising and falling softly as she slipped in and out of consciousness from her late afternoon nap.

“Mhmm… what time is it?” Felicity yawned as Oliver moved to climb onto bed beside her, his hand immediately reached to stoke her fatigued face.

“Almost 8, you were in and out of it on the way back, I thought it was best not to wake you… you feeling any better?”

“Much better,” Felicity nodded resolutely, lifting his elbows as she moved closer to him so she could wrap his arm around her shoulders.

“I just… I missed you.”

Oliver’s brow crinkled in half amusement and confusion, “… from your nap? We’re always-“

“No, I mean… I just... never mind-“

“Hey, hey…” Oliver began, tilting her head up so their tired eyes would meet. “…I know that you’re not especially fond of shoots- so just let me say no to the next one… I promised, sunshine. It’s you, me and the music. That’s all that matters.” Oliver declared unwaveringly.

They lied on their sides, shifting their bodies closer so their faces were barely a breath away from each other's. It was prudently intimate- something they’ve relished since the beginning of their relationship… no words were needed, as they exchanged whatever comfort they were in search for from each other’s eyes.

When they’ve seemingly found it, Oliver disclosed softly “… I miss you too, sunshine.” Felicity offered a tired smile as she witnessed the look on his face grow into a more fervent one- packed with sheer intensity and abiding affection, as he began to slowly pepper kisses all over her nose, making Felicity’s face wrinkle up adorably and she let out a quiet giggle.

“Ow ouch,” Felicity whined as she tried to lift one of her arms to Oliver’s face.

“What’s wrong Felicity, where’re you hurt?”

“Nothing, nothing… just another spasm-”

“You’ve been having a lot of those this month, hon-“

“You could probably blame it on those super unnerving plane rides we’ve been on then- my entire body has been screaming since.”

“Sweetie... why didn’t you tell me sooner…” Oliver softly chastised as he got out of their close embrace, “… lie back for me, and face down.” Felicity did what she was told, and Oliver moved to lightly straddle on her upper thighs, his strong hands went directly to her shoulders to gently rub them away of its tension.

Holding his weight up with his knees, Oliver continued to trace his warm and calloused fingers down from the line of her spine to the curves of her sinful thighs, finding the smooth and supple skin relaxing under his tender ministrations, while sending tiny jolts of arousal over her very sensitive flesh. A soft pleasure-filled moan escaped her red lips when he lightly teased her damp folds, and he groaned roughly at how responsive her fragile body was... he couldn’t help but to want to trigger that response over, over and over again. Oliver’s warm hands slid smoothly beneath the hem of her (his) tee shirt and pushed it up until she could reach it to pull it off herself. Lying back down on her stomach again, Felicity felt Oliver’s lips trail down her spine leaving shivering kisses until he reached his destination. Oliver keenly sucked every inch of her firm posterior, before lapping at the slightly red marks he left with his tiny bites and facial scruff. When Oliver finished devouring Felicity’s rear, he continued to knead it tenderly as he brought his lips to her shoulders to nip at the smooth skin there- soothing away the ache she had been complaining about earlier. He always knew how take care of her.

“Mhmm…Oliver…Ol’ver…’

At his purring of apologetic nonsense against her shoulders, heaving gasps escaped between Felicity’s tempting lips and Oliver’s solid mass pressed harder against her frailer one at the sound. He pulled back, slightly, to shift her tantalizing hips back towards his, and the intimate moment stretched out between them as his forehead leaned against the backside of her head. Darkened eyes burned into hers as he gently turned her head to the side to face him, their intense gaze never faltering as he positioned his throbbing shaft from behind- just at her drenched entrance, hands dug into her hip and into her soft locks… both too entranced by each other’s impious and dilated pupils. Felicity’s back arched slightly and the graze of contact almost made him cum on her. With a swift glance to Felicity’s lips, which she was currently biting- Oliver pressed a gentle kiss to her nose and allowed himself to slowly slide into her tightness, inch by inch- until any remaining restraint of his snapped as he fully pushed himself in to the hilt. Felicity cried out softly, and a shuddering growl vibrated from his chest as he drove deeper and deeper into her. Another whimper escaped her and she felt his lips curl on her neck, murmuring adoring thoughts about her while grunting roughly every time she arched her back to suck him further into her slickness. Felicity, still on her stomach, gripped the nape of his neck tightly and scratched red onto the skin there as he roared in approval- sending waves of desire until she was slippery with her arousal. Oliver's sharp penetrations were long, slow rides of friction that gradually lost its steady rhythm. One of his hands made its way to lift her hips higher as he tugged her impossibly close to hit that spot of hers repeatedly. The electrical sparks of his other hand played with the delicate skin around her pebbling nipples, the side of her neck, then behind her industrial piercing, triggering every sensitive spot on her body.

“Come for me Felicity, please-” Oliver pleaded, his voice coarse and scorching against her ear before he hastily slammed his hips into her over and over again, his control slipping. From him clutching at one of her pert breast to pinching her engorged bud- Felicity felt the familiar sparkling sensation crawl under the dip of her spine. Oliver then let out a rough growl of her name that echoed throughout the room, and with a silent sob- she tumbled over the threshold of release. Her inner muscles stiffened and convulsed around his aching thickness, while her gasps matched his groans as he bottomed out. Oliver buried his face against the back of her neck while his teeth latched onto the flushed skin there, her hushed cry of his name caused him to tense and shudder with his own climax. For a long while, the young pair was locked in ceaseless pleasure, soundlessly rocking against each other between ragged breaths as Oliver continued to spill and swell inside of her until their sultry bodies inevitably tired themselves out.

“…You haven't kissed me,” Felicity realized, after they settled into a comfortable position, enveloped in each other’s arms. “… and why were you apologizing, when we were-“

“It's not… I just, Felicity you’ve been passing out, exhausted- for weeks.  First the migraines, and now muscle fatigue… and it’s all because I agreed to doing an actual worldwide tour, I mean, what was I thinking, a tour-“

“Hey, hey. Look at me Oliver,” Felicity hand reached to gently rub circles into his scruff. “First of all, stop saying ‘I’. You didn’t push me into any of this... I chose this life remember? And I chose you... I could understand why you’d think we can’t have both- I mean, I could count on one hand just how many musicians actually stay together with their first partners and not end up hating each other-“

“Felicity...”

Felicity shut her eyes in chagrin, and hastily shook herself out of another ramble before she continued quietly, but with conviction, “… What I mean is… that  _I_ have faith that we _can_ have both. I love you Oliver, and I love the kind of music we create together. Yes, it is demanding and sometimes even infuriating, but... everything worthwhile is.”

Their intense gaze broke as Oliver looked away sullenly, “I really don’t deserve you, Felicity.” 

“Didn't I forbid you to say those words in order Oliver? How about you let _me_  decide when I’ve had enough of your pretty face, okay? Until then… you better start kissing these very much deprived lips before I kick you to the bunker.”

“We don’t have a bunker Fel-“ Oliver began but promptly shut his mouth when he looked up to see Felicity’s beautiful blues serving him the best of her infamous death glare, he gulped “... Yes ma’am.”

 

Felicity woke up the next morning with Oliver’s hard and blazing body wrapped around hers in a tender embrace- his head nestled under her chin, her muscles sore in only the right places- and bruising red lips to match.

_We were all that we had_

_and breathed in each others words_

_I would ask for truth and_

_you'd look for something to burn_

* * *

**September 8 2010**

**_Felicity,_ **

**_It’s raining today in Dublin. I’m not playing on stage… I haven’t been since you left. Just back at O’Donoghue’s nursing a pint._   _I'_** ** _m not drunk though._ ** **_I’d… never write to you like that._ ** **_It’s pouring, you know? Just like when we met that night, tonight- when you were 17. Y_** ** _ou were soaked that evening, and I can’t help but to wonder in the end... who drowned who?_ **

**_When you left, I, I… God, Felicity, I can’t._ ** **_You promised you’d- … you promised Felicity. It was me, you and- I know I didn’t…_  ** ** _but I… you promised Felicity._ ** **_And I can’t breathe._**

**_-O_ **

_Oh we walked in a hallowed place back then_

_At the edge of Dublin, the edge of May and June_

_Oh to live in a paper house again_

_Where we grew by the light of the moon_

**January 16, 2011**

**_Felicity,_ **

**_I went to school today. Not the conventional kind… you know I’d never want to go back there. But I went to see a Dr. Snow and… she’s been helping me to… talk it out._  ** **_She said writing to you may help, even if you never read them._**

**_T_ ** **_here have been whispers of an album, your album. The one everybody’s been asking about since_ ** **_they heard you sing on ‘O’ from what seems like a lifetime ago… Are you finally going to do it, Felicity?_ **

**_I’m not… I’m not bitter anymore. I_ ** **_know I- I may have sounded like that in my last letter, but Dr. Snow has been helping me to realize my tendency to... of my... need-to-be-improved behaviour._  ** **_We’ve been working on it. Promise._ **

 

**_I hope the rumour is true._ **

**_I miss your voice._ **

**_-O_ **

* * *

                                                                                                                                        

**June 16, 2007 I London, England**

 

_Often we took the train,_

_the sky pacing white to grey_

_when you or I would leave_

_and the other would stay_

“Can we talk about it, please?”

“I... I don’t- I don’t want to Oliver, not yet.”

It happened within a single night, one night where they slept on separate beds, in separate countries. Felicity’s aunt was getting remarried, and they had a show in London on the same weekend. After days of convincing Oliver that cancelling an entire concert to be a plus one to her aunt’s wedding was ridiculous, Oliver reluctantly left Felicity in Dublin and booked a single flight to England. It was the first time in 3 years Felicity slept alone, she didn’t think much of it until she was jolted awake to see 2 concerned officers in her bedroom, apparently having woken the entire neighborhood with her incessant screams and panicked cries for help. Felicity flew to London the day after without saying a peep to Oliver beforehand, but when she met his desperate eyes at the pick-up terminal, she knew she didn’t have to.

“I should have come with you.”

“I wasn’t going to let you cancel a whole show, Oliver…”

“That’s _my_ choice. And I’d cancel my career if that could stop the nightmares, you know that. I just- I fucking hate it Felicity, I hate that I can’t protect you from this... but if the simple act of sleeping beside you can dampen the effects… I should have... I promised, Felicity, that as long as I’m alive- you'd never have to sleep alone again. Do you understand?”

Felicity could only nod softly, she knew that. She also knew that she scared the hell out of him, but what really mattered to Felicity's coping brain in that moment was realizing that Oliver has been texting her meddlesome aunt _regularly_ \- tear face emojis and everything... how did Aunt May even get his number?

“Promise me Felicity, that whatever happens- you never sleep alone… even when you kick me to the curb, even if our fights end ugly- you’ll still let me be the last person you see when you close your eyes.”

 

* * *

**March 28, 2011**

**_You left me today, just a year ago. I told Dr. Snow everything about us, I hope that’s alright. She said she was good with secrets, even the ones that are already done for. It was you, me, and music.  I’m sorry I lost sight of both of that in those final years… I’ve been trying, trying to figure out exactly when we… when I…Did I overlook what you were to me? Did I pretend not to acknowledge what you were going through? … I saw it all in your eyes, they were so… homesick, and lonely, but I, I played the victim like I always do… but I’m done playing the victim... because there’s nothing that I could think of that you did wrong. We just- stopped communicating and I, I… Did I fail you Felicity?_ **

**_Dr. Snow read my previous letters… she said that there are still remnants of arrogance in the form of… “self-pity”... I even listened to ‘Desolate’ for the first time, the whole thing- at once. It was such an angry album Felicity… it was just me being angry with you. The words that I wrote… all from my angle that I had you sing… but I was never angry with you… I didn’t know who I was shouting at in those songs, who I was blaming for it all…_ **

**_I’m starting to forget the sound of your voice. But I can’t play the records to hear them... because you don’t speak in them Felicity. I can’t hear in them your babbles, your laugh... your counsel, your gasps... your moans… Will I ever hear them again? ... Do I deserve to? Did I ever?_**

**_-O_ **

****

_Oh we walked in a hallowed place back then_

_At the edge of Dublin, the edge of May and June_

_Oh to live in a paper house again_

_Where we grew by the light of the moon_

 

**April 26, 2011**

**_Felicity,_ **

**_I hope that you decide to read this. I’d like to think that you do- and the rest of the letters I’ve sent. I don’t call, I know not to. I’m really trying Felicity... to listen to what you and Dr. Snow have said, about choices. If you choose to throw this letter away,_** **_I won’t ever know. And I’m learning to be alright with that._ **

**_I’m… I’m so proud of you Felicity, maybe I don’t deserve to say that to you, not anymore. But I am anyways... because you’re finally living. I heard it, the album. It’s remarkable Felicity, and I’m not surprised at all that everyone else loves it too. I haven’t seen your smile in so long… but then I saw your video for Lille… ~~Was it me who extinguished that? Your smile?~~_ **

**_I’m still at sea, Felicity. I don’t know what I’m searching for... but I’m glad you found yourself again… and I’m so sorry that I drowned you amidst all our anger without knowing… or maybe I did, ~~and I watched us drown anyways. I~~ know you don’t want to see my face again, or hear my voice, or read my words, maybe you won’t ever choose to read this… In that case, ~~I love you Felicity, endlessly.~~_ **

**_I can’t write anything. The words…they don't come to me like they used to... the songs, they're not here anymore. ~~You’re not here anymore.~~ I’m afraid that they’ll never come back._ **

**_… The sea is beautiful, Felicity. Remember when I promised you that we would take a boat trip around the pacific after we finished touring? You were so excited about it... Do you still love the sea, Felicity? ~~Do you still love me?~~_ **

**_I hope this gets to you before your first show. I know that everyone is just so excited to see you on that stage again. You belong up there, and now for the first time- you really are. You-you just shine so bright Felicity, and I’m forever ashamed for… for being the reason that light was shut out of your loving eyes... for so long._**

**_Thank you- for being brave enough to leave. For being better... For making that choice. I love you all the more for it._**

 

**_Yours, durably_ **

**_-Oliver_ **                                                                                                                             

* * *

 

**On The Road for 'O' World Tour I December 19, 2007**

 

“… My flight leaves in... 2 hours. I could take a cab back you know- you look exhausted... what are you still doing up?”

“I’m picking you up Felicity, no space for argument in this one... I miss you.”

Felicity rolled her eyes at his melodramatic tone, “We saw each other this morning hon... you sure you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just…” Felicity saw Oliver’s shoulder sag at the thought. His frown apparent even through the small laptop screen. “Another label contacted me today. Spewed out the usual crap to scare me into signing... how did they even get my number- and why isn’t Sara filtering these calls?”

“I’ll talk to her. Don’t worry about the label companies, no matter what they say- the choice is up to you, they can’t force your hand into anything until you sign with them.”

“I just need you back here- with me.”

“Oh did someone miss their cuddle buddy?” Felicity teased playfully, in hopes to lighten up his spirits. 

“Very much so.”

Oliver held her hand throughout their entire ride back to the hotel from the airport, unconsciously rubbing circles on the ring around her right finger. Felicity spent the rest of the night attempting to pull Oliver out of his brooding state. As per usual, her much practiced combination of soothing touches, sexual innuendos, and guiding words of wisdom worked like a charm, and Oliver was back to looking at her with adoring eyes and tightening slacks by the end of the evening.

"God, what would I do without you Felicity." Oliver whispered, before smiling into a long awaited kiss- their mouths taking its time to move languidly with each other's as if they knew they'd have forever.

 

_You were much younger then_

_younger than I am now_

_I still keep as much an eye as the wires allow_

_I still keep as much an eye as the wires allow_

                              

* * *

**July 13, 2014**

**_Felicity,_ **

**_I started writing again. Nothing yet to become a record but… I wrote it out, in a way that I think you’d be proud. The music is becoming cathartic again, there are no outside pressures this time and- well I invited all of me to dinner. All of them you’ve met - the arrogant fucker, the gentleman, and the over-polite artist - and gradually, Felicity, I no longer felt frustrated… Everyone spoke, and I opened up too. I started to pick up that guitar again, and tinkling the ivories… I stopped pointing fingers._ **

**_I know the songs aren’t going to be commercially successful. It’s too… raw. And I’m so glad, Felicity. Finally, I’m serving music… and myself- and you. These songs, they’re a constant reminder for me to keep being better… to dig out of this hole I’ve put myself in. I’ve realized, Felicity, that I am an egoistic, arrogant asshole - sometimes. And sometimes, I am a kind and humble artist. Everybody is capable of everything... I just didn’t realize you’ve accepted all of that before already. But thank you anyways. I know that now._ **

**_I went to one of your shows in Paris a few years ago- 'Paper House' is… so beautiful. You’re so beautiful._ **

_**Sara mentioned you were going back to Ireland, back into the studio.** _ _**… I didn’t look him up, I promise, it was just- online. You laugh so much now and I- I can’t help but to wanna thank him for keeping that exquisite smile of yours in place, the way I failed to do. You seem... content. I know this because- because you look at him like... like the way you used to look at me.** _

_**Does he... does he keep the nightmares at bay?  Does he know about the fire?** _

_**I stopped seeing Dr. Snow after I started to write again. She thinks that I’m on my way there- to recovery. I think so too…  I think this is my last letter, Felicity. Thank you... for not replying, for not calling- for healing yourself. For being so... resilient, so… eternally you.** _

_**I love you,** _

**_\- Oliver_ **

 

_Oh you know what you are to me_

_and you know you will always be_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on Oliver's evolution throughout the letters? Felicity's evolution? (POV in song lyrics)  
> Hopefully I answered some questions from the last chapter. (& added a few more oops)
> 
> I LIVE FOR COMMENTS, leave them down below!


	6. I Don't Want to Change You - 2016/2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All bad things- all good things, all things... they must come to an end."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming on board guys, for all your comments+kudos. They really do put a smile on my face:)
> 
> This is the last chapter, which initially had sort of a different ending in my head, but sometimes the characters write themselves- & I had to respect that. 
> 
> 2 Songs This Time...
> 
> I Don't Want to Change You (Oliver): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnzHOsiaJns
> 
> Little Bird (Felicity): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRdj8MRj9Js

**Dublin, Ireland I April 17 2016**

 

A resounding applause boomed across the venue. Everyone was drunk, and the audience was shouting encores and praises at him as he took a sip of his beer… it was sort of nostalgic to be back in Dublin again, mainly because of the crowd- comprising of long-time Irish fans who have stuck with him since the beginning, even after Oliver and Felicity split. The fans were essentially their offspring, so it wasn’t irrational for Oliver to be concerned that the termination of their relationship might have caused some of them to take sides, but he was glad that their listeners were diplomatic enough to have supported them both, and continued to do so even after all these years. It was weird to think about in the beginning, that thousands of people could put a face onto who he was singing about in this record- as if the album’s name itself wasn’t evident enough… but Oliver was grateful for the non-judgemental atmosphere his fans provided. After being on tour for a while, performing these songs became sort of a liberating experience. In a way, Oliver was healing himself- one song at a time.

“How about one more to close the night off, yeah?” The audience cheered deafeningly in response, some yelling out song titles. “I’m hearing ‘Colour me…’”

_Wherever you are_

_Well, know that I adore you_

_No matter how far_

_Well, I can go before you_

_And if ever you need someone_

_Well, not that you need helping_

_But if ever you want someone_

_I know that I am willing_

* * *

 

**London, England I January 16 2016**

   

_Your heart sings like a kettle_

_And your words, they boil away like steam_

_And a lie burns long while the truth bites quick_

_A heart is built for both it seems_

FELICITY SMOAK: PLANNED HIATUS OR ALBUM SETBACK?

BY: JAMES OLSEN, STAFF REPORTER

Since the release of ‘Wanderer’ back in 2011, a new album showcase previewed in Thomastown, Ireland last August, has put Felicity Smoak back on the musical radar. With some new songs leaked onto the web from the unfinished ‘Passenger’, critics and fans are wondering when Smoak’s highly anticipated second record will finally be completed and released to the public.

“The last we spoke was last summer in Ireland where I had the pleasure of watching you showcase some of the tunes from ‘Passenger’… Is there a set date for its release or-?”

"I've been quite sluggish about it, I know. Initially I thought different, but... it's just moved in quite an arduous way. I would like it to be done by the end of this year. I really want to get the album out so I can tour again… I mean, I want to play shows but I haven't been able to do that without a new record.”

“You’ve been in London for a while now, but you’ve always recorded in Ireland. Why the change of scenery?”

“I moved to London after the showcase last year, and I’ve settled here because of, um… practical aims, I guess. Since then, I haven't written much for some reason- let alone record the rest of the album.”

“Do you think it’s the geography that’s hindering your creative process, or is it due to these practicalities you speak of… what are they exactly?

“Well…it’s um…” Felicity’s hesitant tone apparent as she continued uneasily, “…practicalities in the sense that my fella lives and works here full time in London… it just made more sense for me to move because writing music is something I could do anywhere."

“So you’d think. And is this _fella_ the gentleman that has been photographed with you around the North East side, and during your vacation to Bali?”

"You know…" she replied, followed by an elongated pause. “I’d rather not get into it if I could."

 

_I was salted by your hunger,_

_Now you've gone and lost your appetite_

_And a little bird is every bit as handy in a fight_

_I am lonely as a memory_

_Despite the gathering round the fire_

_Aren't you every bird on every wire?_

The 28 year old has been burned in the past – both physically, as well as figuratively on a very public stage, breeding the internal hesitance. The latter goes back to Smoak’s former musical and life partner, Oliver Queen. The two met at one of Queen’s gigs when she was in college, and the two produced heartbreakingly beautiful music together found on Queen’s debut album ‘O’, in which Smoak provided a sweet hopefulness to Queen's vulnerable lines. The album sold over a million copies in the United States, and received 13 times platinum in the UK and Ireland, with critics and fans often crediting their real-life love story as one of the reasons behind the success of their careers.

By the time Queen released his follow up album in 2009, however, the partnership had fractured. A song from the record titled ‘Accidental Babies’, referenced the sullen cracks in their relationship, and after a heated dispute between the two backstage on tour in Central City, Smoak was let go from Queen’s band. A year after the incident, she released her debut solo album, but while Smoak continued to have a successful music career- having been nominated for best original song at the Oscar’s, performed on Graham Norton and toured briefly with pop sensation, Barry Allen- Queen went on a ghastly five year hiatus.  At least that was until the unexpected release of his critically acclaimed third album last month- resolutely titled ‘Felicity’. Much of Queen’s silence was due to his personal loss of the blonde muse, as he spilled the truth of what really happened during a heart to heart interview last month in Star City, which included a raw admission of his feelings for the lady in question, "I love her. I love Felicity so much."

“What is your relationship with Oliver Queen like now, since your departure from his band?”

"I mean, we're in..." Felicity said as she paused and chose her next words cautiously. "We're in secondary contact very rarely, and personally… I haven’t had any direct interaction with him."

“Queen’s new album is his first to not feature your vocals, but your presence is definitely felt in every track- your name being on the cover of the album. Have you listened to ‘Felicity’ yet?”

“Yeah, I think I have- a few of them play on the radio sometimes… they’re wonderful tunes.” Felicity replied in a soft voice.

“Queen recently revealed in the same interview that you declined to collaborate on this album when he asked you through your management. He also mentioned that he’d hope even if you two didn't collaborate again- that you guys could still perform together one day. Is this likely to happen?”

"I don't know. I doubt it… I mean perhaps one day, but… not now.  I know it wouldn't be on the cards at the moment but..." Felicity shrugged lightly and mumbled her way into silence.

“It's been six years since the split, and you’re currently in another relationship. Do the questions about Oliver bother you?

"To be honest, you're the first person to ask me about them- the more personal ones, I mean. I don’t do a lot of interviews in the first place, and when I do, I don’t really talk about it… but no, I’d like to think I’m fine with it now. Like you said, it’s been six years.”

_When the time comes_

_And rights have been read_

_I think of you often_

_But for once I meant what I said_

 

Felicity swiftly made a beeline towards the back entrance to meet up with her team. As she paused to look for signs of them, she felt a pair of massive arms engulfing her from behind, immediately recognizing them as John’s, Felicity leaned back into his embrace and tucked her small head under his. The crew was loosely circled around them, chatting, but the pair paid them no attention.  

“What did he say?” John prompted in a comforting voice.

“Nothing rough, just… it’s just been a while.” Felicity gently sighed.

“… Long enough that you forgot how much you hate doing interviews?”

Felicity let out a light attempt at a chuckle, but it came off more bitter and wretched than she expected.

“I just… haven’t talked about him in a long time, you know?”

Felicity felt John nod in understanding and they remained in a comfortable silence, one that can only be shared by two people who’s gone through rough waters together. John and Felicity were no exceptions. John followed her to Dublin after the incident, he was the one who made sure Felicity grieved properly, and that she had at least one decent meal a day that didn’t come from a paper box. It was also John who stood by her side when she finally decided to take off on her solo career. He tried to remain in contact with Oliver, but soon discovered that he went out to sea afterwards- and no one had seen him since. It wasn’t easy for Tommy and John when the couple split, as both men had to make a choice. Tommy made his way back to Star City, dragging Oliver with him, while John gave the brooding artist a solemn handshake before flying to Dublin to take care of Felicity.

Recalling the memory reminded Felicity of how far she’s come since then. Letting the buildup of moisture in her tear duct to fall down her face, Felicity took a deep breath, straightened her spine, and turned around to face John with a genuine smile on her slightly tear-stained face.

“I think I’m ready to go now.”

* * *

**Star City, USA I October 27, 2016**

  

The evening was closing in as Oliver finished packing up in his dressing room, ready to head back home. It was still strange for him to call it that, but ever since Connor was born- he made a promise to be there as much as he could. The Star City’s Fall Music Festival happened to give him the perfect excuse to fly back for the weekend to spend some time with his growing family. Reaching for his phone, Oliver shook his head in amusement at yet another snapchat picture of little Connor’s face swapped with what looked like Mr. Arrow- that poor Labrador.

“He has your eyes,” Oliver tensed at the voice, his body automatically recognized the melodious tone that came from behind him. He almost forgot, or at least tried to- that she was a fellow music guest at the festival too. It was a pretty big festival, he didn’t expect to… “…how old is he now?”

“22 months,” Oliver replied on instinct, not quite able to contain the enthusiasm in his voice when he talked about Connor. “…and three weeks. I swear I’ll stop counting in months when he turns two.”

Felicity shook her head lightly with mirth as she sauntered around to face him for the first time in over six years. Felicity had a brief moment of hesitation before she lifted her head to meet his blue gaze. There was always so much truth held in them- she was afraid of what she’d see this time around.        

Oliver sucked the air out of the entire room when his eyes finally settled onto the familiar voice. It was almost involuntary, or rather instinctual, that his heart still tightened at the sight of her- even after over half a decade of estrangement. Her waves still soft and blonde, her frame still small and delicate… her lips still painted bright red, and her presence still so spellbinding. Oliver’s gaze scattered everywhere in the matter of seconds, trying to memorize every single one of her gentle features, the old and the new, before his brain decidedly took over to form actual words to say to his former partner.

“You know… I spent a good part of the last six years going back and forth between… stages of grief and remorse, before deciding to head into recovery,” Oliver confessed squarely. “There were so many misunderstood feelings that I had to step back to reevaluate… who was I really angry at, who was putting me down, and who was really steering my career and my life... I don’t know if you read them… the letters I mean, but, I wanted to thank you. For making that choice for us back then.”

“… I did. Read them, I mean. The letters… I’m… really glad we both eventually found ourselves in a better place…” Felicity’s delicate voice trailed off as the pair searched for whatever verities they needed from each other’s piercing orbs. Oliver’s baby blues still just as intense and earnest as she left them. Felicity’s sapphires shone with a myriad of emotions still too blurry to decipher.

 “I wanted us to sing together again, you know.”

“I heard.”

“…But I know why now, that we shouldn’t… that you wouldn’t. We’re not healed- not completely. I don’t think we ever will… and it would be unfair for either of us to dive back into these songs about us... that no longer represent us- still open wounded.”

“… Well I gotta say... I'm really digging this ‘introspective Oliver’.” Felicity joked, but her eyes nodded in complete agreement.

“It _is_ the last step to becoming a proper brooding artist.”

The light laughter was followed by a calming silence. A familiar one they used to share, when they’d spend entire afternoons laid on the floor with their hands intertwined, exchanging nothing but quiet, synchronized breaths.

“You may not want to hear it… but I’m forever in love with you, Felicity.”

And for what seemed like an eternity, Felicity stared passively into the complexity of blue hues surrounding Oliver’s deep gaze, before finally nodding slightly in acknowledgment. After taking a much needed deep breath, Felicity opened up for the very first time.

“Love is a feeling, Oliver, and relationships… they’re a choice. Feelings change, grow and evolve, and itself alone cannot build something that can last- not on such a shaky foundation… We failed because we chose to walk away, we left knowing it was too late to try to recreate something worth falling in love with again… and I don’t doubt that we wouldn’t have chosen to stay, to fight for us- if we weren’t also victims of circumstance. You said it yourself- we both knew deep down it was better for us, to go through this journey independently… and I don’t regret a single moment.”

Felicity paused briefly, taking his hands into hers gently before she continued, almost inaudibly now, “You love me, and _I_ know that. And I love you… _you_ know that. I also know… that it may seem unimaginable, but… one day, you’re going to be ready for someone else. And she’s going to be incredible, Oliver. Another chapter of life with whom you could share with. I can promise you that much.”

 

 

_Wherever you go_

_Well, I can always follow_

_I can feed this real slow_

_If it's a lot to swallow_

_And if you just want to be alone_

_Well, I can wait without waiting_

_If you want me to let this go_

_Well, I am more than willing_

 

There was a stillness afterwards, the atmosphere indescribable with every day adjectives- it was something honest, and gut wrenching… and inevitable. They needed that. He needed that. That final confirmation. Oliver’s been stuck in place for the past six years, craving answers to provide him the closure he sought. He’s fantasized for so long about someday getting back together with Felicity. In the beginning, it had been his main motivation to seek recovery, to get better, to be better- for her. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he began to do it for himself… but now his life revolves around a very fulfilling music career, monthly dinners with his previously estranged mother and sister, as well as being the best uncle on Earth to the most exquisite ball of sunshine he’s met since Felicity- his almost two year old nephew, Connor.

Oliver was terrified, that becoming unstuck meant letting go of her. Not just physically separating- they’ve already done that… and it did nothing in terms of getting him closure. For a long time, Oliver wanted to be stuck in place, unable to let go of the love he still harboured for her- buried amidst bitterness and regret… There was, _so_ much unrepairable damage beneath the surface. It cut too deep, and it’s been left there to scar for far too long. Oliver knew that, and it’d be silly of him to think that their love… his love could surmount whatever dysfunction that was left dangling between them. Because what happened wasn’t because of their love, it was their choice. He’s accepted that… but now he knows for certain she felt the same way.

 

Oliver began to move.

* * *

 

**Dublin, Ireland I September 8 2020**

  

It was eleven in the evening when Oliver made his way to the newly opened Jitter’s around the block from his old flat. Oliver was used to moving around, but this time it was different. Because he wasn’t just moving around again- he was moving _in_. Having decided on a much deserved coffee break, Oliver thanked the barista and took his drink to the condiment stand. He usually kept his coffee black, but he was completely drained from all the packing he’s done today, and he was pretty sure that he hadn’t eaten anything since they went out for breakfast eons ago… after realizing the fridge was cleaned out already.

Picking up some packets, Oliver swiftly dumped three sugars into his venti cup. The mere action sent forward an age-old memory he thought he’d long forgotten, and he couldn’t help but to smile nostalgically as he was brought back to the tiny loft in Paris, where a fiery blonde stared him down until he poured enough sugar to overfill the entire mug. It was worth it though, he remembered, when he saw the look of approval in her sparkling pair of sapphire orbs, or how she hummed with utter delight after taking a generous sip out of his appalling cup of creation. Taking a nip out of his own now, Oliver shook his head and instinctively grimaced at the sweet taste… he could never figure how exactly she managed to keep cups of these things down- without at least wanting to throw up.

 

_I've never been with anyone_

_In the way I've been with you_

_But if love is not for fun_

_Then it's doomed_

 

Oliver knew he should’ve gotten something to eat, but there were no pastries left at this hour of the night- and nothing else on his street was opened anyways, and so Oliver gathered whatever courage he had left and downed the entire cup as quickly as he could, telling himself he needed the boost of energy.

“… And the student becomes the master.”

Oliver immediately looked up from his now empty cup, pausing all thoughts- before smiling at the voice, and turned around to face her. He found it still just as hard not to stare... she always lit up every single room she walked into.

“You know, it’s been twice now that you’ve snuck up on me… am I that easy to stalk?”

 “What can I say? Once a genius hacker- with a tracker… always a genius hacker with a tracker. ”

Oliver chuckled lightly at her remark, bringing her into his open arms for a firm embrace, before wordlessly following her to a nearby table. The pair continued to smile warmly as they met each other’s gazes, taking comfort in their trivial interaction. It’s all they can have now, but he’s alright with it. They both are.  

“You’re back in Dublin... for good?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“What happened with…?”

“He proposed.”

“Oh.” Oliver replied. Not knowing what else to say, he decided to lighten the mood. “At least he didn’t suggest, you know, kids…”

Felicity looked up then, her sullen gaze giving away the answer.

“Right. Of course he did.” Oliver grimaced. “… did he not know that you don't want a marria…”

“Of course he did.” Felicity interjected quietly. “I guess… I don't know. Maybe he thought I’d change my mind about it... one day.” She finished with a shrug he knew she wanted to look casual.

Oliver nodded in understanding, “People don’t change.” He concurred lowly.

“Not all the time, no… just on the matters that could. Like you did.”

“Like me?”

“You were a wonderful man when I first met you, Oliver, but the person before me now… he is someone who hit rock bottom, and managed to climb out the other side a better man, a forgiving man- who I know, is an extremely generous brother, a caring son, and-“

“And it’s all because of you.”

Felicity shook her head lightly in reply, “I only did the one thing I knew that we needed, which was complete disconnection. The rest… all lied in there.” She pointed her index finger to his heart, barely grazing his t-shirt clad chest.  

“And… very soon,” she added, giving a quick glance to Oliver’s left hand, where a silver engagement band was now bound onto his ring finger. “You will be a remarkable husband- _partner_ , to a very lucky woman.” Felicity finished quietly, “… I would know.”

“... I guess you were right, about second chances.” Oliver acknowledged softly, inferring to what Felicity assured him in Star City just four autumns ago. It was only after their exchange that gave Oliver the ability to decide that he was finally ready to truly move forward with his life.

“ _They’re only scars now, Oliver- they don’t burn like they used to… just like all bad things… all good things- all things… they must come to an end_.” He understood then and there, what Felicity meant back then in Lille- fifteen years ago, where she first bared to him the holes her father had seared into her.

The pair held their gaze, blue on blue, relishing the silent conversation… and for the first time in a long time- they found in them truth, as both hearts were finally at peace with what had happened.

Oliver tightened the hold on their joined hands, his calloused fingers rubbing circles onto her delicate ones. “I’m… so lucky, Felicity. To have been loved by you. I hope… someday, someone worthy of you and your choices will get to experience that love too.” His mouth formed into a familiar smile, the one he used to reserve just for her. She hasn’t seen it in years… yet it still managed to warm her insides. “Thank you, for helping me become the man that you see- in me. You made my life so colourful... even if it was just for a period of time… I just hope I did the same for you.”

“You did.” Felicity responded instantly, with a certainty in her voice he hadn’t experience in a while. “…And the pleasure was all mine.” She added gently, returning his smile with one of her own. He’ll miss that. Her smile.

They sat in a comfortable silence- with their hands and eyes interlocked. Knowing it was time, Oliver muttered softly, but resolutely- the only form of goodbye he could ever truthfully give to her,

“ _I love you_ , Felicity Smoak… _endlessly_.”

 

“ _I know_.”

 

 

_Because I don't want to change you_

_I don't want to change you,_

_I don't want to change your mind_

_I just came across a manger_

_Where there is no danger_

_Where love has eyes and is not blind_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story started as a one shot, so I didn't know how O/F would end up - it was only when I wrote the last chapter that I realized this was the resolution that would do their personal growth justice.
> 
> This story looks at the start to end of a relationship that was built on a very intensive love, learning forgiveness (w/ their families + themselves), and the difference b/n love & choices.
> 
> Thank you for reading (:  
> Please do leave any comments, concerns, or questions that you may have.  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first story. Questions, comments, or concerns? Leave them down below, they are always appreciated!


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